Letters from the edge
by Amber 90210
Summary: "You still haven't answered my questions Edward. What has she done now?" Damn him for his observances."She fell in love." I said bluntly. "And the fact that she didn't fall in love with you is what is bothering you." He stated knowing that it was a fact.
1. Letters from the edge

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight. **

**1. Letters from the edge.**

**Epov:**

I glanced at my watch. Still twenty minutes too go. I still had plenty of time to watch the beginning of 'The Holiday'. I smiled thinking how Emmett would tell me that I'm a sissy for watching a chick flick in my spare time but I couldn't care less. Bella convinced me to buy this particular DVD because according to her it symbolized all the different loves the best. She was right obviously, somehow she was always right.

We watched it together and she pointed out to me the love between friends (Iris and Amanda), the love of a new couple (Amanda and Graham, Iris and Miles), self love (Ethan), selfish love (Jasper), parental love (Graham and his daughters) and lastly an ageless love (Iris and Arthur). I had no choice but to agree with her that the movie was definitely one of the best romantic films I have ever seen. But I couldn't help but categorize the love between us: love between friends.

I can say with certainty that there is one emotion that is the same no matter how you look at it. A very strong emotion, the complete opposite of love and that little emotion is called hate. I hated the fact that I never told Bella how I felt about her. I hated the fact that I never stopped her from getting on that plane three years ago. I hated my heart for falling in love with her in the first place. Most of all I hate that I can't seem to muster up the courage to move on.

So in a stupid attempt to feel closer to Bella I decided to watch a movie she forced me to buy. I pressed play and settled into the couch to get more comfortable. I turned up the volume when the opening monologue started. The monologue was my favorite part of the movie.

**Iris: I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that…. **You and I both Iris I thought.

**But I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. **Well my life was forever altered and the other person doesn't even know it.

**It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. **I wish my love for Bella was blind, maybe then I didn't have to feel this why about a woman halfway across the world.

**For some quite inexplicably love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind; the one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. **Right, it's as if I said the words myself.

**Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other, but what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at such an individual. **

As the alarm of my watch began too beep, I paused the movie. I killed the alarm and stood up. I was also such an individual, but I had it far worse than Iris. I walked to the front door and grabbed my rain jacket. It always, but always rained in Forks. Zipping the jacket all the way up, I walked out of the front door and into the pouring rain. The mailman waved at me as I retrieved the few envelopes he stuck in there a few seconds ago. Squeezing them tightly to my chest I ran back to the house.

Once back in the sheltering walls, I shrugged out of my jacket quickly, careful not to wet any of the envelopes. As I walked back to the living room I shuffled through them, amongst the useless junk mail and the usual bills I found the one thing that I searched…no craved for the most. To a normal person the blank white envelope with the one postal seal might seem random or inconsequential but to me it was a life line. It was the only constant thing I received from Bella.

I always found our way of communication funny. She would write me a letter, I would reply to it in an E-mail and once maybe twice a month we would call each other. Sure calling was the optimal choice of communication but unlike most people I know, Bella doesn't call or text. She says it's too modern and that writing makes everything more personal.

_**Edward Cullen. 68 Willow Street. Forks. Washington. **_

Bella was the only woman I knew, whose writing looked like chicken scratch but still managed to be unique at the same time. It was something that was purely Bella. I closed my eyes briefly before I tore open the envelope falling down on the couch.

_**Edward. **_

I frowned and instantly began to worry. Usually she started her letter with Dearest Edward or Dear Edward and she even once used Sweetest Edward. Never has she started a letter with just my name. I began reading the rest with more urgency.

_**Something happened…. **_See I knew it, something was wrong.

_**After all this years that we spoke of it, I never thought that experiencing it first hand would be so invigorating. It is like someone switched on a light and everything seems brighter, everything looks better, smells better and even tastes better. Sure we see it in books and movies, but they don't even begin close to actually describing it. Love. **_What, did she finally feel the same way about me? With haste I began to read the rest of the letter.

_**The very reason my life has a new meaning. Love the very reason why I get up in the morning, the reason I'm all hyper and happy. Edward I can't even begin to describe to you all the emotions that rush through me when I see him. **_Him what? You idiot of course she wasn't talking about you. I began raking my mind if she ever mentioned someone in her previous letter.

_**The very person that makes me deliriously happy, who makes me want too dance like a dervish. **_She was quoting Meet Joe Black, another of her favorite movies. This means she really got it bad.

_**He makes my heart beat faster with just one look. He makes me breathless when he smiles and when we speak it is like he has known me all of his life. Edward I'm in love. I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Matt Colt. **_Matt Colt, I stared at the name hoping that if I stared long enough the name would disappear from the paper. Of course it stayed there mocking me.

_**We both work at the same school, he is a history teacher and just like me he loves literacy. **_Yeah I bet there are a lot of things about you that he loves and they have nothing to do with literacy.

_**We are going on our first date Saturday night and I just can't wait. I'm so excited; I'll tell you all about it in my next letter. Edward I hope all is well with you, how is that stupid boss of yours treating you? **_Oh now you only remember about me.

_**Did you find that one person that makes your heart beat faster yet? **_Yeah I found her, you just didn't find me.

_**Send Carlisle and Esme all my love and tell Alice to stop bombarding my email with requests to buy the latest fashion for her. If she wants the latest Armani dress she can come buy it herself, it's not my fault I live in London and she doesn't. **_

_**Oh and Edward stop worrying about me you'll give yourself an ulcer. Be sure to tell Emmett I said happy birthday and that he must use my present with caution. **_

_**I miss you and wish you were here so that I could talk to you personally; I'll be looking out for you e-mail. **_You and me both, Bells.

_**All my love: Bells.**_

I read the letter over and over again and each time my heart just grew heavier. Who was this man that clearly swept Bella of her feat? This was my Bella; he had no right to her. How dare he? She was my Bella, my best friend. She was the one who made my heart beat faster. She was the one who made my stomach flutter like butterflies. She was the one who made me deliriously happy and she was the one who made me want to dance like a dervish.

All the things she described in the letter was what I felt when I spoke to her, when I read her letters and when I looked at the photo's she sometimes sent along with the letters. She was my one true love but she would never now it. I had no claim to her. She was free to date whoever she wanted.

As her best friend it was my duty to stand back and let her date whoever she chose, to smile and listen to her problems and no matter how much it hurt me, if this guy made her happy, then I wouldn't get in the middle of it. I will let her go and let her be with whoever she chose. I pressed play and listened to the rest of the monologue.

**And I have willingly loved that man…. **(Woman I corrected in my mind.) **….for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas's, the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. **

**All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man…. **(Woman.) **…..who does not and will not love me back. Oh God, just the sight of him…. **(Her) **…..heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. I understand the feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. **

**And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or how many gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with you girlfriends. **(Endless bottles of tequila with your mates)

**You still go to bed every night going over every little detail and wonder what you did wrong **(I know what I did wrong, I never told her) **or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can convince yourself that he'll **(she'll) **….see the light and show up at your door. **

**And after all that, however long all that maybe, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. **If only it was possible, then I would gladly wait for Bella to show up.

Yeah I wish it was that simple. I stopped the DVD and switched of the TV. Life never asks you what you want. It takes from you and it steels from you, it manipulates and has a total disregard to your feelings. You just have to suck it up and be a man, a man that can be nothing more than the best friend of the girl he can never have. Well then I better go write that e-mail Bella is waiting for. She would want to hear what I have to say about this new guy in her life.

She would like to hear what I have been up to since we talked last. I got up and walked to my study, I opened my laptop and started to log into my Email account. Just as I typed in her email those two voices began to speak to me. I never thought it was possible to hear your good side and your bad side arguing about something.

It was like in those cartoons where the devil sits on your right shoulder and the angel on your left. Right now the devil was telling me to ignore Bella and try to move on with my life. The angel was telling me to be there for Bella and support her, she after all didn't ask for her best friend to fall in love with her.

_What is the fun in that Eddy-boy? Ignore her like she's been ignoring you for the past years. _

The devil whispered in my ear and it was so easy to listen to him, so easy to give in.Ok that wasn't helping me. My good side; please say something for me to ignore him.

_Tell her how you miss her; make her see that you know her best and that you know her better than this new guy. Remind her that you have a history together and that she could never have what she has with you with this new guy she has now. Be a man Edward for just once in your life._

You see that was what I wanted to hear. Angel one, Devil zero. I took a deep breath and thought about everything I knew about Bella.

Subject: _**Your stupid crush….**_no that won't work erase that.

_**Who the hell is Matt Colt? **_No, that won't work either.

_**I'm missing you. **_

_**Bells. **_

_**I just realized something. Three years ago I watched as you walked through the security check gate with a jacket in your hand. I continued to watch you as you handed you passport to customs as you made your way to a foreign land. Your eyes were filled with tears but your heart was so brave. After all you are only young once and because you are so young you were aloud to be crazy and set of too London too study and teach Literacy. **_

_**Out there, in the unknown, you knew you where going to be alone but you knew that better opportunities awaited you. Even friendship could wait, time could only tell if a friendship like ours where going to make it through it all. But I had to go; I couldn't bear to watch you disappear. Afraid that I might say things I would only regret later on. I knew that I would get to see you again one day. **_

_**Until that day we could communicate through the internet, we had other ways of communicating and that was enough for me. But I came to realize that there were things that I missed dearly and after three years apart I miss them now even more than I did back then. **_

_**I miss our Tuesday night movie-thons. Popcorn, three movies… (You chose one of your choice, I chose one of my choice and then we chose one together. Do you remember how it was the only why that we didn't argue about what to rent?)….and a Christmas bed on the living room floor. **_

_**I missed our wrestling match sessions when I rolled over you on purpose. Somehow you always pinned me, how was it that you could always pin me? **_

_**I miss our late hour Starbucks runs and our never ending Pizza nights; well I guess they did kind of end when you moved away. I tried eating pizza since you left but it just wasn't as much fun without your endless jokes and chatter about inconsequential stuff. **_

_**I miss the leather seats of that rusty truck you always drove around town. I swear it is a good thing that no one ever hit you because that 'Thing' would chew up whatever foreign cars and only spit out the bolts. I know you hated it but I loved it, it was something that said it was Bella. **_

_**I miss the coffee lattes and your worn-out skinny jeans. No matter how much Alice tried to convince you to throw it out, you never budged and your jeans became part of you, whenever I picture you nowadays you always wear those pair of jeans. They are just so, Bella. **_

_**I miss the way you would grab my arm when we watch a scary movie. Then you would declare that nothing was remotely scary about it. When I referred to the way you clutched my arm you would punch me playfully and tell me that you only did that so that you could keep me from running away like a scared little girl. I would respond with whatever makes you sleep at night. We'll laugh and next week you will choose another horror, repeating the whole process. **_

_**I miss your name on my caller id every time you blessed me with one of your calls at three in the morning. How you would tell me that you couldn't sleep or when you had a bad dream. Just one time you phoned because you wanted to hear my voice. **_

_**I missed your little inconsequential little text messages about what silly thing Alice made you do or some joke Emmett told you or even how Mike Newton wouldn't stop bugging you for a date. **_

_**I miss the way you always moved your hands about as you talked, remember how almost took someone's eye out that one time in the shopping mall. I miss the way you always bit down on your lower lip whenever you where deep in thought.**_

_**I miss the way your eyes got wider when you where angry and how you use to blush whenever someone teased you. I miss our Sunday morning breakfasts and your flat screen TV. **_

_**After three years of letters and calls I come to realize that I miss you. A letter in the post is what became of our friendship. Let's face it, you and I where fooled by time. For the first time in my life my heart feels broken, wherever I go I felt like a third wheel. **_

_**Even when I tried to do the stuff we did with someone else, it just never felt right. I guess time will tell if our friendship can last through another three years. Bella, I **_(my fingers lingered over the four keys that would tell her my deepest feelings for her. L O V E. I sighed) _**miss you dearly and just whish you would come back to me. **_

_**Too answer your questions. Yes my boss is still a pain in the butt, although he did give me a promotion. I'm now the chief of staff at our architect firm. That one special person I found a long time ago but things didn't work out the way I planned and I never got the chance to tell her how I feel. Now she seems so far and she is constantly out of my grasp. I don't think I would ever be able to get her back. **_

_**Esme and Carlisle also send you their love and Esme, as well as others cough Emmett cough, think that it is time that you take a holiday and come visit us here in Forks. I can protect you from many things Bella accept from my fashion crazy sister. You know Alice; it's not even remotely possible to rain her in. **_

_**Bella I don't think that I would ever stop worrying about you, I care immensely about your wellbeing and therefore I would be there in a heartbeat should you ever need a knight in shining armor to protect you from all the bad guys in the world. **_

_**Emmett loved the new car part you bought him, I don't exactly now what it does but he says that it makes the car go faster and that is all that matters. I wish I could be there as well, but work has me tied down and it doesn't seem like I will get to go on a holiday anytime soon. **_

_**You better tell this Matt Colt that he better treat you right or your friends will come bust him up. I have to go; Jasper invited me to some dinner. **_

_**I miss you and love you.**_

_**Lots of love. **_

_**Edward. **_

_**PS. I hope that you are happy, your happiness is always of the utmost importance. **_

Before my courage could desert me, I pressed the send button and then I closed the laptop. I didn't have time to think about the letter I just wrote her as a loud knock resounded through the house. Sighing to myself I walked over to the foyer quickly to save the person from the cold outside.

"Edward, finally did you want me to freeze my butt of out here?" Jasper asked as he walked in quickly as I shut the door against the ice cold wind blowing in. "Change of plan, everyone is coming over here. Alice and Emmett will bring pizza and I believe Rosalie is on alcohol duty." I stared at him as he shrugged out of his jacket.

"Why is everyone coming over, I thought that we were going to have dinner at your place?" I asked and he just shrugged as he hooked his jacket on the coat hanger.

"Alice said that you needed cheering up so naturally everyone said that we should come over." I frowned, how did Alice always know when something was wrong with one of us? "It looks like Alice was right on the money yet again, what's wrong with you?" Jasper asked looking at me concernedly.

"Nothing is wrong with me, I'm over worked, under paid and have absolutely no social life, in other words my life is just great." I remarked sarcastically and walked into the living room falling into the nearest couch. He followed me into the room and sat down in the love seat across from me, his actions was more graciously than mine.

"What did Bella do now?" He asked once he was settled comfortably. Unlike the others Jasper had a way of looking past your pretences, seeing the hurt you are hiding from the world. I guess that is what makes him such a good Therapist.

"I'm not one of you patients Jasper." I said and he shrugged.

"No you are a friend and that means I know when you are trying to coax an argument out of me in a vein hope that I would forget about my question." He said folding his hands under his chin.

"It was worth a try…..I just miss her that's all. It's just so hard sometimes to keep a friendship going. Only hearing tidbits of her life and not celebrating her Birthday with her or seeing her unwrap a Christmas present. I can't help but wonder if she is coping with everything. Sometimes I see a bruise on her arm or leg, in the pictures she sends, and I can't help but question what happened. Did she have another clumsy moment or did someone bump into her. I just worry about her."

Jasper let me finish my little rant knowing that I needed to vent. "You still haven't answered my questions Edward. What has she done now?" Damn him for his observances.

"She fell in love." I said bluntly hoping that his curiosity was satisfied.

"And the fact that she didn't fall in love with you is what is bothering you." Once again his reaction is unlike the others, they would have asked who the guy was but Jasper saw past that to the fact that she loving someone else is what is hurting me the most.

"It's my fault Jasper, I should have told her how I felt the day she announced that she wanted to go to England. But I couldn't offer her anything back then so who was I to stand in her way?" I asked and Jasper sighed.

"Edward you have to forget about the past, you can't do anything to change what happened but what you can change is the future. Fight for her now, because if you don't you will never have her in the future." I sighed just as the door banged open and a mountain of a man walked through the door. He was followed in closely by a blonde Ice-queen and a little annoying pixie.

"Let the cheering commence." Emmett bellowed in his deep voice, as he placed pizza boxes on my coffee table. Rosalie placed Vodka, tequila and some other bottles of alcohol next to the pizzas.

"Come on Edward stop brooding and turn on the music." Alice said after she gave Jasper a quick kiss. I sighed for the millionth time inwardly and turned to do as she asked. Well my life sucked, the girl of my dreams was in love with someone else. My worked sucked, my best friend was half way around the world and my friends where here to cheer me up.

Why not enjoy the party, why not get drunk and just live a little for once? I cranked up the base as 'Boom, Boom Pow' by 'The Black Eyed Peas' started playing. Emmett and Rosalie were already moving to the beat. I grabbed a bottle of Vodka and filled a glass to the very top.

Taking a big gulp of the fiery liquid I watched as my friends moved and bopped to the beat. As the vodka burned its way to my stomach I felt a little better already. Taking another gulp I started to join them swaying my body to the beat.

By the time my glass was empty I had already forgotten about Bella.

**A/N Feel free to review. **


	2. The best friend

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight. **

**2. The best friend.**

**Epov:**

Thirty glasses of various alcohol, twenty songs and a trip to the nearest pub later and I were in total bliss. "James, I think I might have a drinking problem!" I shouted as I tapped my shot glass on the bar. He eyeballed me and then slouched his way over.

"Edward you don't have a drinking problem, you just have a girlfriend problem. Sort out the girl problem and the drinking problem will sort it self out." I shook my head.

"No, see I'm trying to forget all about the girl problem, the alcohol problem is supposed to help with that." He rolled his eyes but there was a slight smile around his lips.

"Ok then, why do you think you have a drinking problem. You might be one of my regulars in the pub but you almost never get drunk." I smiled and held up the empty glass in front of my unfocused eyes.

"Well you see I have two hands but just one mouth." He chuckled and took the glass from me.

"So why exactly are you trying to forget about Bella?" He asked and I rested my chin on my hand to try and stop the three of him to move around.

"Who said this was about Bella?" I asked grumpily. Did everyone apart from Bella know how I felt about her?

"Please Edward; I saw the way you looked at her. That much pent up sexual frustration was bound to come out sooner or later." I grumbled something I couldn't even decipher, before clearing my throat, and then admitted in defeat.

"She fell in love with some British teacher." I said and down the new shot he placed in front of me.

"So why don't you just go over there and tell her how you feel. If you sit on your arse and do nothing about the situation then nothing about the situation is going to change. But if you do something about it, the situation will change." I shook my head but stopped immediately when the room started spinning.

"What if she doesn't feel the same why about me and I loose her as a friend?" He shrugged.

"I didn't say that the change would be good I just said that there would be a change." I hiccupped and had to grab onto the bar to keep me from falling of the barstool.

"Are all bartenders such good advice givers as you are?" I asked once I was safely secured on the stool.

"It comes with the job I guess. Can I tell you something?" He asked and I nodded once, afraid that twice would cause my world to start spinning again.

"I dated a girl like Bella once. And girls like that might be challenging and they're complicated and enigmatic…." He paused to hand a beer to someone. _But they were too much trouble to pursue_, I thought to myself silently. As if reading my thoughts he continued. "…. And they are usually worth it. The only way you know for sure is to jump in with both feet." I looked at him and wondered not for the first time how come he was still single.

"What happened with you?" I asked not sure if I really wanted to hear the answer.

"I swam for awhile, till I drowned." I rolled my eyes and the world started spinning again, I forced myself to focus.

"Oh. Well, thanks, James. That's a great story. You know what I take it back. You are a really bad advice giver." I commented sarcastically and he chuckled finding something funny.

"And you are the worst best friend ever. You where not supposed to fall in love with you best friend." I grimaced and flipped him of.

"Well it doesn't matter now does it; she fell in love with someone else. That's just fine, she is happy." He looked at me, almost like Jasper does when he searched your sole.

"And are you okay with that? Bella being in love with another guy and being happy; the other guy being the main source of that said happiness?" He asked and I shrugged.

"If by okay you mean extraordinarily depressed, then yes I'm deliriously happy." I remarked. He just looked at me and I sighed again. "I miss her a lot."

"You know, in all the conversations you two have had, I haven't once hear you tell her that." I shook my head.

"I told her in the email I send her today. I wrote what I missed about her hoping that she would come to her senses and come back home." He nodded thoughtfully.

"Maybe you should tell her over the phone, its one thing to read how much you miss her but another to hear it." He mentioned silently. I never told her that I missed her over the phone because I knew that my voice will be filled with all kinds of emotions and I didn't want to scare her away. But maybe the emotion was what she needed to hear. Maybe that would show her how much I really care about her.

"Fuck me but you're right." He looked shocked.

"That's not that rare is it?" He joked and for the first time tonight I truly laughed. He glanced over my shoulder. "Your lift home just arrived." I followed his gaze and saw Emmett making his way over. Somehow seeing a very giant Emmett making his way over to me was a little scary. I could understand why some men never picked a fight with him. He was just so big and intimidating.

"Edward, why is it that I always have to fetch your drunken ass out of a bar? You're the big brother after all. Hey James, thanks for calling." I threw my arm over his broad shoulder.

"It's no problem Emmet, just take care of him and send my regards to Rosalie." Emmet nodded and we began walking through all the drunken people towards the door.

You didn't answer my question Edward." Emmett reminded me.

"Because Rose will kick your butt if you ever got pissed in a bar. See that is the benefits of being single, there is no one to bitch and moan in your ears." He chuckled as we walked out of the bar

"Well you better hope Rose doesn't kick your ass for keeping me away from her for to long." He said as we reached his massive Jeep. He left me at the passenger side door of and walked to the driver's side. It took me all but ten minutes, and a couple thousand threats from Emmett, to finally get into the Jeep.

It wasn't my fault that he drove something that no one, well everyone that wasn't built like a bear that is, could get into. "Jeez Emmett couldn't you have come with you BMW or something that is more drunken-people friendly?" I asked as he drove to my house.

"No, my Jeep can make mincemeat out of any terrain." I tilted my head against the cold window.

"Understandable, since you have to drive three blocks to get to the bar. But hey I guess each explorer has his own Everest." He mumbled something I couldn't quite catch as he stopped in front of my house.

"Well come on, we have to go get you cleaned up." He said and got out of the car making his way to the door. After I managed to climb out of the monstrous truck without breaking a limb, and sauntered after him. Then something dawned on me.

"Emmett, how did you know that I was at the bar?" I asked as I fumbled for my house keys.

"Well you know that we all partied until about midnight. We called it a day since Jasper had to work tomorrow, or today, and Rosalie had to get her beauty sleep; so you decided to go to the local pub." I nodded my head.

"Emmett, I was there remember." I said trying to get the key to go into the keyhole.

"Well James called about an hour after that saying that you were emptying the one shot of tequila after the other. I told him I'll give you another hour and if you were still there, he should give me a call." I looked at him, he wasn't really my brother but we were friends since kindergarten. Well not friends like me and Bella but still after her he would be my best friend.

"You're always looking out for me." I said amused that it was strangely true.

"Well you do tend to need it from time to time. Come on, I'll help you to the shower." He said when I finally got the key into the lock and unlocked the door.

"But I don't want to shower." I objected as he got hold of my arm and basically dragged me to the bathroom.

"Aw; too bad. It's Rosalie's orders." He said amused kicking the bathroom door open.

"Rosalie is not the boss of me." I said helplessly as he shoved me in the direction of the shower.

"On what planet are you residing, Edward? Rosalie is the boss of all of us. Seriously, Edward, you smell like the floor of a brewery." I was not giving in that easily.

"I do not!" He crossed his arms.

"Yes, you do." I smelled my clothing and scrounged my nose.

"Oh, fuck. Yes, I do." Emmett smiled in victory.

"Yeah, you do." He said as I smelled my clothes again.

"I smell like a brewery floor, with just a hint of secondhand smoke." I stated matter-of-factly He stepped forward and sniffed the air.

"And a pint of Old Spice" He added and since I don't wear Old Spice that would mean some stranger stood close enough to me so that his cologne rubbed off on me.

"I totally need a shower." I exclaimed. He nodded.

"Yes you do." I grabbed the shower head that was connected to the bath as I sat down on that said bath.

"Rosalie is a bossy genius." I stated and he nodded again.

"Yeah, she is." I placed my hand on the tap without him seeing.

"What about you then?" I asked and when he frowned not quite following I nodded my head to the shower.

"What about me? I don't smell like an ashtray." He said just as I turned open the tap and hosed him with ice cold water.

"But you look like and ass-tray." I said to an astounded Emmett.

"Dorkward you are going down." He stormed forward and tipped me into the bath, grabbing the shower head as he did so. He turned open the tap full force and let me have it. "Say you are sorry!" He demanded spraying me straight in the face.

"Okay, okay, okay I'm sorry." He sprayed me once more and then turned of the tap.

"This is the thanks I get for fetching your stupid ass from the pub. I'll come and collect my pay when you least expect it Dorkward. Mark my words, you owe me." He said before walking out of the bathroom.

"Be afraid be very afraid." I mocked silently before stripping out of my wet clothes finally taking that shower he bugged me about since we got here.

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

The following morning my head felt like fuzz. I was thirsty and had the worst headache ever. Groaning I walked to the kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of Advil on top of the microwave and a glass from the cupboard. I quickly filled the glass with water and swallowed two Advil's.

As I waited for my headache to fade I switched on the percolator for some much needed coffee. With nothing better to do I walked to the study and retrieved my laptop. Placing it on the kitchen counter I checked my emails quickly. Five unread mails waited for me in my inbox.

"My, my, aren't I popular?" I scanned them quickly. My father, Alice, my boss, spam and then my eyes froze on the last one.

Bella.

She never emails me, never! That is why I never check to see if she sent me one. I clicked on hers eagerly forgetting all about my hangover induced caffeine need.

**Subject: **_**What's wrong?**_Why would she think something is wrong?

_**Edward is everything ok? I haven't heard you that sentimental since….well since we graduated from school. **_Ok so I liked school, guess there is a reason why Emmett calls me Dorkward.

_**What brought this on? I'm worried about you. See this is why I wish we didn't live half the world apart. I never know if you are ok or if you just put on a brave face when something is bothering you. **_Well move back and you'll never have to guess about that again.

_**What do you mean by if a friendship like ours would make it through it all? I'm not going anywhere and nor is this friendship. I know that it is tuff being friends like this but if we work hard at it we can always be friends. You're my best friend and I don't want to loose you. I can't loose you. **_Yeah, I'm always just the best friend.

_**What did you want to say too me? There is nothing that you can say that will ever ruin our friendship. **_Wanna bet? I love you, do you think we can be only friends if I want to kiss you and hug you and think of you in the most inappropriate ways?

_**I miss that stuff too; we were so silly back then. I miss my truck. It is probable standing at my dads gathering more rust. I miss you too Edward but I think it is time that you find someone to share new stuff with. **_But I don't want to share new stuff with someone. I want to share the old stuff with you.

_**You can begin your own rituals and you won't feel so lonely anymore. I worry about you, Alice tells me that you sit at home all alone every day. **_I think it is time that someone talked to Alice about her always meddling ways.

_**Please Edward, get of your butt and live a little. Congrats on the new promotion, you really deserve it. You've been working so hard lately. **_

_**Why didn't you tell me you had your eye on someone? Did I know her and why did you never tell her how you felt. Believe me it is better to risk and love than to love and not risk at all. Take it from me; love is the best thing that could ever happen to anyone. Try to find her and tell her how you feel. **_I already found her, but I can never have you.

_**I won't be able to take a holiday soon, the exams are starting and I just met Matt. He is the greatest guy ever and you should have seen what he did for our first date. He covered almost everything in his house with rose petals; he cooked my favorite meals, played my favorite music. I don't know where he found out all of those things but somehow he did. **_

_**After dinner we talked into the wee hours of the morning. **_Please tell me this is where it stopped.

_**He walked me to my car… **_Oh thank God **…**_**and after insisting that I call him when I get home he kissed the back of my hand like the perfect gentlemen he is. Oh it was so wonderful, I felt like a princess and he was like my knight in shining armor. **_Or a Knight in shiny tinfoil.

_**Oh Edward I wish you could meet him, you will like him. **_Yeah I doubt it.

_**Everybody likes him. Oh just writing about him makes me smile like an idiot. Ok I'm going to stop drabbling about him now. **_Mmm you read my mind.

_**If you can't do anything about Alice then I'm going to have to ask Emmett to step in. Just today I got almost six emails from her asking for some Armani dress that has to be black because black is the new white and not the new pink or was it blue. Oh I don't know sometimes that sister of yours is just a pain in the neck. **_Yes she is and I'm going to kill her for it.

_**Alas I do love her and will still go buy the stupid dress for her. Maybe if I buy it a few sizes to big….Oh no I can't do that she will kill me….but then again if she kills me that means no more Bella-Barbie sessions. Oh but also no Matt, great that means I have to buy the right size now. Ignore the mind drabble. **_Don't worry I will.

_**Of course Emmett loved it, tell him to be safe. I much rather want to come home for Rose and his wedding than his funeral. **_

_**I will not tell that to Matt, you'll just scare him off like you did all of my other potential boyfriends. **_What, I never scared of anyone.

_**Tell the gang hi for me. **_

_**Of course I am happy, I have a wonderful job, the best friend ever and an even greater new boyfriend. **_What he is better than me now?

_**Life couldn't get any better than this, well maybe if you were here it could. **_

_**Stop worrying and go live a little. Oh I'm going to be on Facebook tomorrow at seven in the morning; it should be midday in Forks so log on so that we can chat. Hope I chat to you soon. **_

_**All my love, Bells. **_

I glanced at the clock; it was almost one o-clock. Cursing myself for drinking to much last night and missing her email, I quickly began logging into Facebook. "Come on, come on." I urged the site to load faster. "Finally!" I exclaimed and immediately my eyes dropped to Bella's always open chat tab.

She wasn't online. Was I early, was I late? As I sat back, I saw the little message alert at the top of the screen. New energy coursed through my body as I sat forward and clicked on the message tab. It was from Bella.

_**Edward. **_

_**I waited as long as I could but Matt is here and well you know it is rude to be on a laptop when you have company. **_Once again he is more important than me.

_**My I just add that when the company is Matt Colt in a tight shirt and jeans, with his marvelous biceps and triceps and a bunch of other ceps, then I can't waist another second on some machine. **_

_**Cheerio. **_

I was starting to dislike this Matt Colt a lot less and less each day. He was cutting into my Bella time. Cursing myself again for even drinking, I called Jasper. "Hello Drunkward, how did you sleep last night?" Alice chirped into my ear being why more hyper than usual.

"If you can call passing out sleep, then I slept great." She laughed and I had to hold the phone at arms length to save myself from becoming permanently deaf.

"Well Emmett said that you were pissed when he picked you up last night. Just tell me you didn't sing karaoke last night." She said just as I heard Jasper talking in the background.

"If I did, I would have made everyone's night. My singing after all is the best in Forks." She laughed again all though this time thankfully it was a lot softer.

"True, when you decide to become a professional I'll be your most loyal groupie. Everyone, after all, needs a loyal fan." I rolled my eyes.

"Since when, were you into rock stars?" I asked pouring myself a cup of coffee. When I found Bella's email I forgot how much I craved caffeine.

"Since when, were you a rock star?" She countered and I huffed in annoyance.

"Alice it's been nice talking to you but can I please speak to Jasper." I could hear her stifle a moan.

"Am I not good enough anymore? What advice can he give you that I can't?" She whined and I smiled.

"The best way's of putting on a condom. Or if it is worse for a man's ego, if a girl fakes an orgasm or if she doesn't get one at all?" There was silence for awhile.

"Jasper! Edward wants to talk to you!" Alice screamed. "It was nice talking to you Edward." She said and I smiled.

"It's always a pleasure, Alice." There was silence for another moment.

"What the hell did you say to my girlfriend? She looks like she stepped in dog shit or something." Jaspers voice came over the phone and I chuckled.

"Just men's stuff, listen I don't know what to do about Bella." I said coming to the point of the phone call.

"Well are we looking at this from the best friend point of view or the jealous-never-actually-been-a-lover point of view?" I groaned into the phone. "If it is the best friend point of view, you have to support her. You have to write back sounding like the supporting best friend even if it kills you bit by bit inside.

"When it feels like you heart is falling into tiny bits and pieces you have to make sure hers stay safe. But if it is the jealous-never-been-a-lover, you have to step up and be a man. You have to fight for her while you still have a chance." Why, why did he always have to make perfect sense?

"But I can't just up and leave. I can't fly halfway around the world, show up on her doorstep and say I have loved you since the day you accidentally fell into my lap on the bus. I don't want you to date this perfect guy because I want to date you. I will scare the living daylights out of her and she wouldn't want anything to do with me after that." I finished my rant falling into the nearest chair as if already accepting defeat.

"Yes well when you put it like that…." I interrupted his little sarcastic comment.

"My feelings for her, doesn't make sense." I said sounding exhausted.

"Feelings never do. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started." I rolled my eyes.

"Jasper you are not really helping on the depression front." He sighed again and then very slowly began talking to me like I was a four year old.

"Edward, either tell her how you feel or decide to be the best friend forever. The choice is up to you. I have to go, tell me when you have finally made up your mind." He didn't wait for a reply before disconnecting the call.

"Thanks for nothing." I mumbled and took a sip of coffee. Glaring at the laptop I got up and sat down in front of it.

"Make a choice Edward. Fight or flight. Fight or flight. Fight or flight. Dammit why is this so hard?" I asked myself out loud. Love isn't supposed to be this hard. Love is supposed to be effortless and easy.

Well this is not love, this is heartache. Sighing I opened the laptop and logged back into my email account.

**Subject: **_**Drunk as a skunk. **_Why does flight always have to win?

_**Bells. **_

_**Nothing is wrong. I was a little depro yesterday, is all. Like always a trip to the local pub fixed all that. Minus a slight hangover (by slight a mean the worst hangover ever) I'm feeling great. . **_

_**Nothing brought this on; I was lonely and wanted someone to talk to. But my best friend was sitting halfway on the other side of the world and there is no one else that understands me as you do. You complete me you know. **_

_**Don't worry about me; between all the others I'll be fine. Plus I don't think Jasper gets enough credit, he is like a walking empath. Even if just one of us feels a little sad he coddles us like a mother. So just forget about my last email ok. **_

_**Of course our friendship isn't going anywhere; I will always be there if you need me. You're my best friend and I'm definitely not trading you in for anyone else. So you are stuck with me for better or for worse.**_

_**Yeah maybe I'll join the dating game. Not a girlfriend per say but someone, do you think she will still let us be friends? Don't girls get jealous about stuff like that? What if my girlfriend insists that we stop corresponding? If that Matt guy ever says anything about stopping our correspondence you just tell him to go to hell because I had you first and it is friendship above a relationship. **_

_**No you don't know her, but she is beyond my grasp. Just leave it Bella, she's in love with someone else and if that is what she wants I'm not going to get in the way of that. Besides, I love her enough to let her go and I'm happy if she is happy. **_

_**Seems you liked the date. Just make sure he behaves himself and that he keeps his hands to himself. Don't go into anything to hastily ok, take your time. If he wants to push you tell him to wait until you are ready. Unless of course you are ready, then it is just fine….ok I'm changing the subject now. **_

_**I don't scare away your other boyfriends. That John guy cheated on you, I was not going to stand by and let that happen. You deserved to know the truth and you could do better than John. Walter was gay, I caught him cross-dressing in the bathroom that one movie night. I told you that he was gay the first time I met him. Mind you I don't know how he didn't figure that out until only after you two dated. **_

_**So see I never got rid of any of your boyfriends. I only want what is best for you. So if this Matt guy makes you happy then I'm glad. Just check to make sure all your clothes stay were you put them and that he doesn't work late ours. **_

_**I am living, maybe not as wild and care free as the other people in the gang but I'm enjoying myself. **_

_**I wish I was there too, more than you realize. I wish I could sneak into your room at night and bake marshmallows over a candle like we used to when we were younger. I swear your parents would have had a heart attack if they knew that a boy was in your room every other night. **_

_**Sorry I missed you on Facebook. Give me a call sometime. I would really like to actually talk to you again. Stay safe and be safe. **_

_**I love you, I miss you. **_

_**Lots of love. **_

_**Edward. **_

I clicked send and closed the laptop. I glanced at the clock. It was just after four. The pub should be open by now. I grabbed a jacket and my wallet and shrugging into the jacket walked out of the front door. I needed to forget Bella for just one more night. I made a brisk walk to the pub.

It started drizzling as I reached the door. "Just in time." I said to myself as I walked into the warm pub. The sounds of a busy pub met my ears as I walked to the bar. Ice clinked; there was a sound of joyful laughter and pool balls making contact with one another was the welcoming sounds of the bar.

I signaled to James that I wanted my usual and turned to look at the bar. There was a group of men arm wrestling in the corner, a couple playing pool and a blonde standing too my right. In a town as small as Forks this was going to be as busy as it gets.

"Back again are we?" James asked and I just nodded.

"Just keep them coming." I said and he nodded. Sometimes I think he understood when a man just wanted to drink away his sorrows.

Around ten-o-clock I had, had more than my share of vodka. Well Bella was enjoying her life so why can't I enjoy mine? They wanted me to get a life well here is to getting a life.

The blonde I noticed when I came in walked over to me. She was definitely from out of town. Her mini was short, way short; her shirt was on to tight making her boobs strain against the fabric. High heels, of course, rounded off the picture of cheap whore perfectly.

"Hi there, how come you are here all alone?" She asked seductively, placing her hand on my chest and moving in so close that I could smell her cheap perfume.

"Because if I wasn't alone you and I can't disappear into the lady's room in about ten minutes." She smiled and leaned in closer biting my earlobe, her thigh was pressed against my crotch and her hand was pulling at the waist of my jeans.

"What makes you think that I even want to disappear in there with you?" She asked pressing her boobs into my chest.

"If you didn't have bathroom sex in mind, you wouldn't have wasted your fucking time flaunting your assets at me." I said and downed the glass of brandy James placed next to my arm on the counter.

"So why don't you go to the bathroom and I'll meet you there in a few minutes." She smiled.

"Don't keep me waiting to long." She nudged against my crotch with her thigh and wiggled her ass all the way to the bathroom.

"Edward what the hell has gotten into you?" James asked as he placed another brandy next to me. I gulped it down.

"I'm living a little." I said over my shoulder as I began to walk too the bathroom.

I remember my father used to tell me a philosophy about life. He used to say that in life some endings are bittersweet, especially when it comes to love. Sometimes fate throws two lovers together only to rip them apart. Sometimes the hero finally makes the right choice but the timing is all wrong.

Well father, I made my choice and if it is the right one… I don't know.

I opened the door to the ladies room, the blonde waited at the counter.

Was the timing right…..I closed the door behind me and locked it…..well I just didn't care.

**A/N. Wow I didn't realize how long this chapter was until I finished it. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. **

**Thank you for the reviews, I always appreciate the insights readers have about the story.**

**Feel free to review. **


	3. First sight

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight. **

**3. First sight. **

**Epov:**

**Flashback too Edward's first day at Forks High:**

It was raining. I didn't mind the rain, actually I loved it. I loved the wet dirt smell that filled the air just when it started to rain. I loved the thunder storms that accompanied the rain sometimes. I could stand for hours in front of my window and watch lightning flash across the sky. There were about two things I liked about Forks. The one was rain, the other was Emmett.

He was this big, humongous even, guy. But he had a very soft heart, this of course, was only known to a selected few of his friends. I lived in Chicago for all my life, or sixteen years to be more precise, and then my mother decided that it was time to try something new. My father being as caring as ever, agreed with her and got a job at the local hospital. When I asked what was so bad about Chicago that they needed to move too one of the most God forsaken places in Washington, I was just told that my mother needed a change of scenery and that I should leave it at that.

They thought that I was still a little boy. They could just have told me that after my mother lost her baby she was depressed and needed something new to take her mind of her loss. Renovating a new house or rather mansion in Forks was just the distraction she was looking for. We moved in a week before the new school year started, as we drove through town the townsfolk looked up excitedly as the moving trucks drove through the very short main street. All I could think about was that we were the newest gossip.

And sure we haven't even unpacked our first box before there was a knock on our door. I retired to my room before my mother could ask me to make the guests some refreshments. I heard laughter from downstairs but was not the least bit interested in who was making who laugh. Then there was a loud bang on my door. The sound was so loud it made me jump.

First I thought that I only imagined the noise, old houses tended to make funny noises. But the repeat of the bang told me that someone or something was knocking on my door. I made my way over cautiously before gathering all my courage and opened the door to a wee little crack. Before me stood the biggest teenager I have ever seen, he had hands the size of boulders, a chest as wide as a mountain and arms that could put Hercules to shame.

I would have been afraid if it wasn't for the big smile on his face, somehow I couldn't imagine that this guy could hurt anyone. I opened the door wider and saw that he had bright friendly blue eyes and black curly hair.

"Hi, your mother said that I could come introduce myself. I'm Emmett." He said friendly holding out his hand for me to shake.

"Edward Cullen." I replied shaking his hand, when he let go off my hand it felt like every bone in my hand was crushed. It wasn't one of those dominating hand shakes you get from the cool guys at school; it was just a normal Emmett handshake. "Uhh, do you want to come in?" I asked and he smiled.

"Duh, do you think I want to listen to old ladies talk all day long?" He asked and pushed past me into my room. "So where are you from?" He asked falling down on my bed like it belonged to him.

"Chicago." I replied thinking what to do with the Giant in my room. "Wait, you moved from the big city to this place? Usually people move to the big city not the other way around?" I nodded my head and started unpacking my books into my very old very big bookshelf.

"Tell me about it. Apparently if your parents decide to move somewhere new you have to go with them, no exceptions. Don't know why that is but apparently that is the way it works." I said glumly and he laughed.

"Yeah it sucks. Jeez you have a lot of books, are you like a nerd or something?" He asked watching as I dragged another box of books over to the bookshelf.

"Not a nerd, I just like to read new stuff. You can never know too much." He looked at me cocking one off his bushy eyebrows.

"So you are a nerd." He clarified and I just rolled my eyes. "Tell you what Dorkward. If you ever want to learn something cool you have to come over to my house someday, I'll show you how this cool new thing they call the internet works. You want to know something, you just Google it. It's simple and it's easy and you don't have to haul boxes around filled with books when you move. You just pack up your computer; plug it into your phone line in your new house and viola, instant information at your fingertips." He smiled at himself for sounding so intelligent.

"I have the internet Emmett. I just prefer books." He chuckled and shrugged.

"Whatever throws your hair back, I guess. Do you play sports?" He asked changing our very boring subject to what I could tell was his favorite one.

"Sure, but I like gaming more than sports." That made his eyes sparkle and our instant friendship was born.

So here we were at the buss stop waiting, in a light drizzle, for Forks High one and only school bus. "Ok listen Dorkward, you are with me. That means that you will grab the attention of the man-eating Jessica Stanley. Stay clear of her ok." I nodded.

"Is she your girlfriend or something?" I asked mistaking his warning as a sign of possessiveness. I glanced down the road to see if I could spot the bus.

"Are you crazy? I wouldn't touch old Skeletor with a freaking pole. No, my girlfriend is Rosalie Hale. You'll meet her at school." He said just as the buss turned into the street.

I felt a little nervous as I watched the bus make its way down the road. What if I do something stupid that will brand me as a loser for the rest of my life? I remember seeing new kid's at my old school, they always looked so lost and got picked on by almost everyone. I can't remember a single case were a new kid was just accepted. The bus stopped in front of us with screeching brakes, disrupting my thoughts.

"Come on Dorkward." Emmett said and climbed the three stairs into the buss. Having no choice, I followed him. As we made our way down the ale to find empty seats, everyone we passed stopped their conversation midway to glance at me before continuing whatever they were discussing. Halfway down the ale Emmett found two vacant seats and sat down; glad to be out of everyone's eyesight I sat down next to him.

The guys I walked past just kept talking to their mates but some girls glanced at me every few minutes, some even had to stand up to steal a glance at me. Some smiled some even waved; I just tried to ignore them as much as possible without looking rude. The bus stopped again and a small pixie like girl and a tall blonde boy boarded the buss.

"Emmett you better have remembered to tell Rose about the surprise party." The little pixie said as she and the blonde slid into the seats on the other side of the ale opposite from us.

"Calm down Alice I remember to tell her. Jeez, do you think you are going to fool Bella in anyway. We all know that you only need a slight excuse to throw a party. You know that Bella doesn't like surprise parties." Alice huffed and threw her arms up in frustration.

"I ask you with tears in my eyes, who doesn't like parties?" She asked in mock horror.

"Bella doesn't like making a big fuss about her birthday Alice. She doesn't like to be placed in the spotlight." The blonde said calmly next to her.

"Well I think it is only right if one is in the spotlight on ones birthday, don't you think Jasper?" Jasper only smiled.

"It doesn't really matter what I think because you are going to do it in anyway Alice." Jasper said smartly, Alice giggled and kissed his cheek.

"Of course I am, so who is the new guy?" She asked turning her blue eyed gaze to me.

"Edward Cullen, his father is the new doctor." Emmett said before I could answer. "Edward this little minx is Alice Brandon and that is her boyfriend Jasper Whitlock. She is a real pain in the butt and he is from Texas." Emmett concluded the introduction. Alice just shrugged and smiled at me as I shook hands with Jasper. "Oh and did I mentions that Edward is a complete dork." Emmett added and I just rolled my eyes. The bus stopped again but I didn't bother to look who boarded it this time.

"Welcome to our insane family Edward. You'll find that all of us or a little dorkish sometimes…." Alice was interrupted by Jasper.

"Well maybe not Rose." He said and Alice huffed.

"It's only guys that will think that Rose is little Miss perfect, she knows more about cars than Emmett. If you ask me that makes her a little dorkish." Emmett took a big breath.

"Well no one is asking…." Whatever he said was interrupted by an angel falling in my lap, just as we drove over a speed bump.

"Oh I'm so sorry." The angel said squirming to get up from my lap.

"It's fine, are you ok?" I asked but just as she stood again the back tires went over the same bump and she fell back into my lap.

"Shit, I'm truly sorry. Are you ok?" The angel asked and I nodded.

"Just fine, are you ok?" She nodded.

"Edward this is Bella the klutz. Bella this is Edward." Alice said smiling, making Bella blush a beautiful scarlet.

"Are you sure you are ok, Bella the klutz." I asked teasingly.

"Just fine, this is normal behavior for me. Ok well not falling into a guys lap but the general falling down part." She said nervously as she sat down behind Alice and Jasper.

"So you normally fall into girls laps then?" I joked making everyone chuckled including her. She smiled at me the nervousness completely gone.

"Yeah all the time, oh and by the way, my name is Bella Swan not Bella the klutz." I smiled.

"Bella how many times do we have to tell you? A Swan in graceful but you are a total spaz, therefore you are Bella the klutz." Emmett teased and Bella just rolled her big doe like brown eyes.

"Well Emmy-bear, since I'm such a spaz you can find someone else to write your English essay for you." He gaped at her.

"You wouldn't do that to me would you Bells? I can't write for shit, you know that. If I write something it's going to be an insult to the English Literature. You don't want that on your conscience do you?" He pleaded but she just shook her head. I stared in amazement at how the light reflected of off her dark mahogany hair.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you insulted me Emmett." She countered and he huffed in defeat.

"One thing you will find out about our Bella Edward, she is as stubborn as a mule." Alice said winking at Bella. Bella just took out a book from her bag and opened it at the bookmark near the end. I glanced to the cover of the book.

"Withering Heights, one of you favorites is it?" I asked without thinking and she frowned at me.

"Yes it is actually. How did you know that?" She asked confused.

"Well the book is dog-eared which means you have read it more than once and that it is very old. Plus by the way you are holding it, as if you are almost caressing the pages, means that you love what you are reading." She just stared at me.

"Bella reads that book when she is nervous about something or when she seeks comfort. Right now she is nervous about her birthday that is coming up." Jasper said and Alice glared at him.

"Jasper you have to stop that; you over analyze everything. I'm not nervous about it but I am going to murder a certain annoying pixie if she so mush as thought about arranging a surprise party." Alice just kept staring out in front of her innocently while Jasper looked at Bella apologetically.

"The chief of police's daughter is actually considering murder." Emmett said mockingly.

"Yeah I am, besides Charlie will now of the best ways of getting rid of the evidence." Bella said smiling.

"Well for the best way to murder someone I can just ask my dad since he is a surgeon. Between us we can pull of the perfect murder in no time." I joked at she gave me a breathtakingly beautiful smile just as the bus stopped at Forks High.

"I see Rose is waiting for me. Bella do you mind taking Edward to the secretary?" Emmett asked as we stood up.

"Sure no problem, we can discuss murder plans on the way." Bella said and I nodded smiling in content as I followed her out of the bus. As I walked behind her I got the feeling that I would follow her into the deepest darkest pits of Hades without a care in the world.

**Present tense:**

I was zipping up my pants in disgust. I couldn't believe that I would lower my standards like that. "You are a disappointment." The blonde said turning her back on me and walking out of the bathroom. I turned towards the mirror and looked at myself.

"What has become of you Edward?" I asked myself. I looked at my bronze disarray hair, my bushy eyebrows, straight nose, green eyes and lips. "You pint after the one girl you can't have and when you have a more than willing girl you can't even get a hard on. You are not a man." I said in disgust and walked to the basin. Was this a sign? Was I never going to be able too have sex with another women? Did Bella crawl so deep into my heart that my soul couldn't even cheat on her?

I splashed water on my face in an attempt to sober up. As the cold liquid ran down my face I heard her voice as clear as day in my head. "Do you know what is disgusting Edward?" I shook my head as if she could see me. "Fucking someone in a bar bathroom." I smiled and splashed my face again.

"Bella you just said the f-bomb." I pointed out smartly.

"Well that is how much that disgusts me Edward. You are better than this." I straightened up.

"Bella, why are you doing this to me? Why can't you love me?" I asked but there was no answer. "Please don't leave me." I begged like the pathetic fool I was.

"Go home Edward." Her voice rang through my head and I did as she said. I walked out of the bathroom, ignoring the blonde where she was flirting with some new guy and walked straight to James.

"Edward, are you ok?" He asked when I reached him.

"Fine, I couldn't do it. Bella wouldn't let me. Can you call a cab for me?" He frowned.

"What do you mean Bella wouldn't let you?" He asked and I sighed.

"I couldn't get a boner ok, I'll I saw when I was kissing her was Bella. I couldn't stop thinking about how she would disapprove of this and it unsettled me." He looked at me for awhile before going to call a cab. He brought a cup of coffee with him.

"Here drink this; your cab will be here in a few minutes." I thanked him and nursed the cup of coffee in my hands.

"Edward, if I can be frank here. You're body is telling you what your heart has told you this whole time. You love Bella. Isn't it about time that you stop running from it and start facing it? Before you know it you are going to be an old man all alone in this world." I sighed and shook my head.

"Thanks for the coffee. Bella is happy with this guy; I'm not going to stand in the way of that." I sipped the hot liquid.

"The question you have to ask yourself is; is Bella going to be happier with you than with this guy?" I sighed.

"I don't know, for now I'm going to let her go. If things are not meant to be with this guy then they won't last. I guess only time will tell." I finished my coffee, paid my bill and took my cab ride back to my house and my pathetic life.

**Two weeks later.**

I tried to keep a distance. I tried not to think about her. I tried to not imagine her kissing that guy. I tried to not picture them doing other stuff that goes with a relationship. But it is as if I was plagued by Bella. I thought about her constantly. I even dreamed about her. Not sexual dreams, no those I could handle. No nightmares where she shouts at me that I was to late, that I should have saved her a life time ago. I was waiting for her letter anxiously.

I shouldn't be pacing my porch, I shouldn't be riddled with worry, but I am. Her letter was supposed to have arrived yesterday. Her letters were never late. Sometimes I would get two letters in a week. Sometimes I would get an email and a letter in a week. But never ever in our three years apart did I not receive a letter on time. When I turned to start pacing to the other side of the porch a movement at the end of the street caught my eye. The postman had finally arrived.

I walked to the front gate and patiently waited for him to reach me. "Good afternoon, Aro. Are there any letters for me today?" I asked friendly but just that bit over eager. He chuckled to himself.

"Well let's see my young friend; yes there is indeed letters for you today." He took out about six letters and handed them to me.

"Enjoy your day." I said and made my way back to the porch. I heard him say something but I wasn't really listening to him. I scanned through the mail and sighed in relief. There it was; her letter. I sat down on the porch swing and tore it open carefully. There were two items in the letter. The first was her letter and the second was a photo. I glanced at it eagerly but also regretted it instantly. There was my Bella, standing next to who I could only assume was this Matt Colt.

She was standing next to him, their arms around one another, smiling at the camera. Her hair was longer, I whished that I could run my hands through it. Her brown eyes was sparkling with life, she had a scrape on her hand. What klutzy moment brought that on? She looked so happy that it was heard to look away from her face. The only other time that I saw her like this was when she met me. I had to tear my eyes away from her to look at the guy.

He had blonde hair and blue eyes. I guess he is what most girls will call handsome. He was much taller than Bella and he was definitely athletic. He had a crooked nose, as if he was in some accident or fight. He was not how I imagined him, a bit more boyish and he had a beard. Bella never liked a beard on a guy so he must really be something for her to allow that. Something was of about the picture but I could not put my finger on it. I put the picture back in the envelope and took out her letter.

_**Edward. **_Again with the just, Edward.

_**Sorry for only writing to you now but Matt took me hostage yesterday and by the time we got back from his surprise date, it was about midnight and I was too tired to write. **_Wait; surprise date? Since when did Bella like surprises? I knew it; he is changing her.

_**Oh Edward he took me to the zoo. You know how I love animals. **_Apparently you do, you have to love animals to love him.

_**It's like he knows my inner most desires. He held my hand the whole time and we talked about everything. He is just the most perfect person ever. He even went into the petting zoo with me. A rabbit made a mess on his shirt and he didn't mind at all. After the zoo we went to eat ice-cream. **_Why didn't the rabbit take a dump on his head? It would have been an improvement in anyway. Ice-cream another week point of hers he just knew about. Nobody is that perfect.

_**Anyway he cooked for me again and when I decided to call it a night he drove me home. Then we had that awkward doorstep moment where we both want to kiss the other but we didn't want it to happen to fast. Well he must have thought to just go for it because he kissed the living daylights out of me. **_Ok, too much fucking in formation.

_**It was the best kiss I ever had. It was so amazing and it completely turned my world upside down. Well after that he left and I went inside. No sex, he is a perfect gentleman. **_Of course he is.

_**Well ok I'm going to stop my ramblings and actually reply to your previous letter now.**_

_**You really need to stop drinking, it is not good for you plus we both know that when you drink your inhibitions go flying through the window. Remember what happened on your first Christmas in Forks? Sorry I know I promised that I won't ever mention that again but I thought a good reminder will work the same as a good spanking. **_Thanks a lot for that Bells, you just had to bring that up. But since you don't know my secret about that night you are forgiven. Plus if you'll do the spanking I'll take that any day.

_**I don't complete you Edward, you complete me. You were whole when we met; I on the other hand was a complete mess. **_That is an understatement.

_**Edward, I don't think that I will ever not need you. When I think back on my short lived life I can't even remember a time when you where not apart of it. So I'm guessing we are stuck together forever then because I'll never want to send you away. **_Yeah, Bella I think that that is the problem. I'm like a little puppy that won't go away until you tell me to and until you do, I can't leave. Fuck, how pathetic am I?

_**If your girlfriend tells you that we can't be friends anymore you just tell her to take a hike. When you meet the right girl she won't mind our friendship because she'll just know that she shouldn't feel threatened by me. Matt doesn't care, he says that he doesn't like it but that he understands that I need someone to talk to. Plus you are halfway around the world so it's not like you are an actual threat to him. That's his words not mine. **_

_**I just told him that you're like a brother to me and I love you like a brother. Always have and always will. **_Like a brother? Relationships don't recover from something like that. Like a brother, someone who gets to see her in skimpy clothes but don't even think about the beauty that is underneath it. Emmett is like a brother, I'm supposed to be the best friend. Best friends, has the option of making the relationship into something more.

_**Edward it is never too late to tell that special someone how you feel about them. Who is this person and why won't you tell me about her? You never keep secrets from me. She must be someone special if you won't even share her with me. **_Yeah she is special. So special in fact that I would buy the world for her if I could.

_**Don't worry about Matt; he is not pressuring me into anything. Even though sometimes I wish he would. Ok I'm stopping the sex talk now. No need for you to hear about my fantasies. **_Fantasies, you have fantasies about the guy? Ok not a picture I needed in my head. Mental bleach!

_**Ok so my other boyfriends might not have been perfect but Matt is. He is definitely not gay or a cross dresser and he hates people that cheat on their partner so that is just what makes him so perfect. **_So you keep saying.

_**Yeah the baking marshmallows were the highlight of most of my nights. My parents didn't have to fear that you would try anything funny with me, they new that you were just my friend. You probably didn't even think about me in that way ever. **_Bella if you only knew how much I played with the idea of kissing you on those nights. Or when a little bit of marshmallow was left in the corner of your mouth I whished that I could clean it of with a kiss. Why didn't I ever just do it instead of just thinking about it?

_**I have to go; Matt and I are going to the movies. Do you think that he would like horrors? **_So you are doing our rituals with him? That was our rituals Bella!

_**All my love, Bells. **_

I didn't realize that my hand was balled into a fist until I felt the strain in my knuckles. I relaxed my hand and my fingers actually felt stiff. I didn't dislike Matt anymore, I unconditionally hated him. He was stealing Bella from me. He was slowly replacing me in her life.

The hell with that, I walked to my laptop with new determination. I flip it opened cautious not to take the screen all the way off. Cursing Matt under my breath I logged into my account. No one is going to take her away from me.

_**Subject: Dating. **_

_**Bells. **_

_**Its ok Bells, it sounds like you had fun. Next time do you think you can just send me an email telling me that I can stop worrying? That you are not laying in a ditch somewhere after 'Jack the ripper' was through with you. I can't protect you when I'm halfway across the world. **_

_**Well I'm sure the "Animals" love you too. **_I smiled wondering if she would get my double meaning of the word animals? _**So he is a great kisser huh. Now only if he could make your foot pop, then your life dream would just have been fulfilled. Haven't you always said that true loves kiss would make your foot pop? I'm just saying maybe he isn't the one. **_

_**You just had to bring up that Christmas didn't you? Actually I'm glad you did bring that up. I need to ask you something about that night. If Emmett did not show up when he did, where do you think we would have ended? Cause that night keeps haunting me and I can't help but think that in that moment everything felt so right. **_My finger hovered over the backspace key as I wondered if I should leave that out. No, you are done being a coward Edward.

_**Just think about it. **_

_**I know you will never send me away, because I will never send you away. I can't, I love you to much. **_Again I wanted to erase the words I just wrote. Edward this Matt is getting dangerously close to her heart. She is fantasizing about him. Yeah, screw it.

_**I'm not your brother Bella. Emmett is your brother, I'm your best friend. Best friends are more important than brothers plus their minds have a bit more free space to fantasize about certain people. There are certain people that brothers don't even find remotely sexy or attractive. **_

_**If you think about it Bells you can figure out who it is that I am talking about. That special someone that could make me smile when I'm sad or that would answer the phone when I call at three in the morning. Or when I don't want to talk at all, they wouldn't try to make conversation but just sit with you. **_

_**Yeah it is really surprising that you haven't figured it out yet. You of all people are supposed to know me so well.**_

_**I hope you have fun at the movies, plus pick a comedy guys usually love comedy's or action movies is another good option. Stay away from the horror movies. **_

_**I love you, I miss you. **_

_**Lots of love. **_

_**Edward. **_

I clicked send and walked to the couch. I might as well sleep the rest of the day. It is not like I'm going to the movies with anybody.

**A/n ****I forgot how difficult it is to write from Darkward's point of view. I'm not a really depressed person and writing heavy stuff never really was my forty. Therefore I tried to ad some comedy into it as well. Too lighten the mood a bit. The bus scene was my favorite part of this chapter because I just love writing about them all mocking and joking with each other. **

**Anyway thanks for the reviews, they made me smile and brightened my day. Thanks to the people that added the story to some from of list.**

**Feel free to review as reviews are always appreciated.**


	4. Space

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight. **

**4. Space**

**Bpov:**

"Bella is everything ok?" I blinked my eyes a couple of times and looked at Matt as if seeing him for the first time this morning.

"Hmm, I'm sorry what?" I asked wondering how I could ignore him like that in the first place. Not that his four foot six hunkness could be ignored.

"How is the weather on your planet?" He asked and I shook my head to get rid of all the menacing thoughts of a tall dark-haired friend on the other side of the world.

"I'm sorry I guess I'm a little distracted this morning." He sighed and placed a cup of coffee in front of me.

"Distant is when I have to repeat myself twice, distracted is when I tell you that some women hit on me and you reply "that's great honey"." He said mimicking my voice and folded his arms on the table, leaning forward, staring at me all concernedly as if I'm coming down with a cold.

"I did not say that, is it that redheaded math teacher again?" I asked giving what he said some afterthought. He smiled and his eyes lit up like they've been set on fire.

"You so did. No, Victoria has not been flirting with me; I was just saying that to get your attention. So what is it that is bothering you so much?" I sighed and shrugged.

"It's nothing; it's really not important ok. Let's forget about it." I took a quick sip of coffee, Matt just studied me. Sometimes he reminded me of Jasper, as if he could see into your head or something. "So what is on the agenda for today?" I asked when he still hasn't said anything.

"What did, what's his face, do now?" He asked annoyingly. Edward would kill him if he heard what Matt was calling him.

"Edward -" I paused to emphasize his name "– didn't do anything." I finished and took another sip of coffee.

"Ever since you read his last email you've been distant and distracted? This has been going on for a week now Bella" That jolted me a little, has it really been a week since I received his last mind boggling email?

"I'm sorry Matt, but I've just been busy lately and I'm constantly tired. Edward has nothing to do with it. Nor does any of the others, can't I just have some downtime. I can't be all hyper all the time." He sighed and stood up placing his empty cup in the sink.

"Ok, well I just wanted you to know that I am here for you if you want to talk about it. No need to get all protective about your friends Bella." I pushed my cold coffee away and stood up.

"I'm sorry, it's just that they are like family to me and Edward is my best friend, isn't it natural that one only protects that which is most precious to them?" He sighed and walked towards me.

"Of course it is on natural that is why I'm so protective of you." He pulled me into a hug and I breathed in his musky sent. As always I felt save in his embrace and like nothing in the world could touch me. His mere presence comforted me.

"I just can't help but feel like the outcast, I mean they are halfway across the world but they take up most of your time. You're always writing to them or they are calling you. I can't help but wonder if your best friend -" he said that like it was some crude word "- holds a more important place in your heart than me." I smiled into his chest, so this was what this was about, he was jealous of Edward.

"Matt, how many times do I have to assure you? Edward and I are only friends; you're the one I'm in love with." As I said those words it was as if I was trying to convince myself.

"See that was all I needed to hear." He tilted my head up and I automatically met him halfway. His kisses was always soft and tender, he treated me like a porcelain doll. As if I could break whenever he used too much pressure or force. Still he was a great kisser and before long, I was soaring on cloud nine.

He kissed my forehead lovingly when he pulled away and we both breathed heavily. "So you two have been friends for over six years and he never tried to make a move on you?" He asked as he let me go, my eyes glazed over and I instantly thought about that one and only time Edward and I shared something more than just pure friendship.

**Christmas Five Years Ago:**

"Bells you are finally here! Now the party can begin." Alice grabbed my hand before I could say anything and basically dragged me to the living room which somehow was reformed into a dance floor.

Some rave song was playing and people were moving and grinding to the beat. We finally stopped when we reached the far corner of the room. All my friends were there lounging on what looked like the only couches in the room. Alice went to sit down next to Jasper and I sunk down next to Edward trying to make myself as small as possible.

"I see Alice convinced you to come." I groaned but I don't know if he could hear me over the loud music.

"If by convinced you mean totally dragging me to this thing kicking and screaming then yeah she convinced me." He smiled and bumped my shoulder.

"Well I'm glad you came and you look amazing by the way." I smiled that was so typical of Edward, always trying to make me feel better.

"Whish I could take the credit but Rosalie totally picked my outfit for me." I said glancing at the skinny jeans and way to revealing white blouse I was donning tonight.

"Well either way Bells, you look great." I smiled and the music turned to a slower song. "Dance with me?" Edward asked standing up, he held out his hand and I looked at him as if he was crazy.

"Hello I'm Bella the klutz; there is no way in hell that I can dance. You said so yourself."

He smiled. "Then it is a good thing I'm not the devil and you're not in hell. Come on I won't let you fall." He said coaxing me. I watched as Alice and Jasper glided over the floor. All the other people stared at them in amazement.

"What's the point, Edward? We're never going to dance like them. I'm going to make a fool of myself. It's not for us." I sighed and grabbed my hand.

"Maybe, but I wouldn't change us, not if it meant losing what we have." I frowned as I fought against him.

"Well, what do we have Edward? You tell me." He managed to pull me up against him.

"Tonight, so shut up and dance with me." He began moving to the slow beat of the music and I circled my arms around his neck to keep my balance. His one hand was on my hip and the other on the small of my back. For some reason my stomach fluttered and my heart was racing at a million miles per second. I wrote it off to nervousness. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear. "Bella just relax you are doing fine."

I could smell his mint aftershave and as he pulled back his stubble scraped against my cheek sending shivers down my spine. If he felt me shivering he didn't show it and just kept steering us through the other couples on the dance floor. I relaxed more and more as the song went on.

"See you are dancing." He said and to emphasize his words I accidentally stepped on his foot. "Ouch." He muttered.

"Sorry, I told you I couldn't dance." He rolled his eyes and began steering us in the opposite direction than the couches. "Where are we going?" I asked as the music stopped.

"It's a surprise come on." He took my hand pulling me gently behind him. We began walking up the stairs and stopped in front of his bedroom.

"Edward, I don't know what you had in mind but I don't think…" He interrupted me by pulling me into the room behind him, locking the door in the process.

"Relax Bella; we're going to hide out in my room until the party is over. I know that you don't like parties and I don't like parties so I thought that you might like just to hang out with me." He smiled at me clearly very proud of his master plan.

"You know someone will come looking for us sooner or later." He nodded and took of his shoes before settling onto his bed comfortably.

"No matter I bought us at least an hour or two. Plus I have refreshments." He opened his bed table that was also a small cupboard and brought forth some crisps and a bottle of tequila. I smiled taking of my shoes and climbing on the bed as well.

"A man after my very own heart, you're the best friend ever." Something flashed across his face but it vanished even faster than it appeared. Maybe it was just a shadow or something.

Two hours later and the crisps were eaten, the tequila bottle was empty and Edward and I were lying on his bed just talking about anything and everything. "So you never had a girlfriend before?" I asked amazed. It wasn't like he was bad looking or anything. In fact he was pretty much one of the hottest guys at school.

"No, I never had a girlfriend before." He said and I frowned.

"You're telling me that you have never had a crush on anyone?" He didn't say anything. I snuggled into his side and he pulled me into him more securely.

"I do have a crush on someone." I tilted my head back and saw that his face was only a few inches from mine.

"I knew it, so who is she?" I asked and he smiled.

"She's an Angel." He said and smiled as if enjoying an inside joke.

"Well last time I checked you don't have wings so how are you going to pursue this Angel if you can't even fly to heaven?" He rolled his eyes just as his watch made a beep signaling that it was midnight.

"Merry Christmas, Bells." Edward said and leaned forward that few inches pressing his lips to mine. It felt like the world stopped spinning, my stomach was fluttering again and my heart was pounding so quickly that I could hear the blood rush in my ears. All I was aware of was the fact that I was in Edward arms and that he was kissing me.

Suddenly he pulled away and my eyes fluttered open. We stared into each others eyes and I could feel his frantic heart beat against the palm of my hand that was resting on his chest. I don't know why I did it, maybe it was the alcohol in my system or maybe I was just foolish but when he moved forward I met him halfway.

We kissed each other hungrily; he pulled me impossibly close to him. My arms slid up to his neck and I pressed against the soft skin in the crook of his neck just as his tongue darted out and traced the bottom of my lip. I granted him passage and when his tongue slipped into my mouth I couldn't help the small moan that escaped me.

I began messaging hiss tongue with my own causing him to groan, He pushed with his side turning us over so that he was lying on top of me, I could feel the peaks of my breasts that was pressing into his chest. I wasn't the only one affected; I could feel his arousal as it pressed into my thigh.

I tangled my hands in his hair pulling his face closer to mine and he lifted his body to make some space between us. One of his hands cupped my breast, messaging it. The sensation it caused in my body made me moan into his mouth and my back arch into his hand. I wanted more; I wanted to feel more of him. His other hand slipped down my side, over my thigh and he cupped my leg under my knee. He pulled up lightly and hooked it over his back. Not needing a second invitation I did the same with my other leg and for the first time our heated centers was against each other.

I wondered if he could feel how wet I was. He groaned into my mouth and moved forward grinding against me. I gasped breaking the kiss for the first time; he began kissing down my jaw line. He grinded forward again only this time my hips moved with him. Moans filled the room; his a bit more ruff that the sounds of pleasure I was making.

His hands slipped to the hem of my shirt and he began pulling it upwards, I held up my arms to help him and soon it was gone. I helped him remove his shirt and his mouth found mine again as his hand slipped behind my back to unclasp my bra. My hips moved with his as our grinding became more frantic, I was dying for release and so was he, I could tell as his grinding became more forceful.

"Hey, are you guys in there. Dorkward open up." Edward and I jumped apart so quickly we bumped our heads together. I was breathing so hard it felt like I just ran a marathon, I scrambled to cover myself.

"Edward, come on man." Edward recovered first.

"Emmett we'll be out in a minute." He said and I hoped that Emmett couldn't hear how out of breath he sounded.

"Well hurry up, your missing all the fun." We heard heavy footfalls down the hallway. Edward looked at me and I just looked straight back at him. His chest was still heaving and his very muscular very naked chest wasn't doing very much for the throbbing between my legs. I took a step towards him stepping on something, when I looked down I found my bra.

I picked it up and when I looked back at Edward he had his back turned towards me. The message was clear; he was giving me privacy to get dressed. It took me a lot more time to get my shirt on than it did to get it off. My hands were shaking and I had to force myself to finish with the task at hand. "You can turn around now." I said and he jumped as if I slapped him. He did as I asked and his face was expression less.

"Listen Bella, I'm sorry. I should never have taken advantage of you like that. I'm sorry, please forgive me." It felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice-water over me. He was regretting what just happened.

"Edward, it is not as if you did anything against my will. I wanted it just as bad as you did." He shook his head.

"No, it was my fault. It was a mistake and it will be better for our friendship if you just forget about it." It felt like someone had hit me in my gut. He thought it was a mistake. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. Where I could think without still tasting him on my lips, without smelling him on me, without hearing him moan in pleasure and without feeling him move against me.

"Ok you're right it was a mistake. You'll understand if I go now." He nodded and I walked to the door. I unlocked it but just before I could open it I was spun around and my back was pressed up against the door.

"You can forget one more mistake right?" He didn't wait for my answer before he kissed me. This was different than our first kiss, this almost felt like he was saying goodbye. Nonetheless I kissed him back. When he broke he walked to the very other side of the room. "That was a mistake, I'm sorry." He said in a soft voice.

"You've been making a lot of mistakes tonight Edward." I said before I spun around and opened the door, walking out on the biggest 'what if' in my life.

**Present day.**

"Bella, are you ignoring my question?" I blinked away the vivid memory and smiled at Matt.

"Of course not I just remembered something." He smiled back and folded his arms waiting.

"So, did Edward make a move on you or what?" He reminded me of his question.

"Edward did not make a move whatsoever." He frowned cocking one of his perfect black eyebrows.

"Is he gay?" I laughed and had to wait a few minutes to calm down before I could answer him.

"No, believe me, Edward is not gay." Matt frowned even heavier.

"Well is his dick broken or something?" I almost choked.

"NO!" Immediately I cursed myself for responding so quickly. "I mean no, it's probably works fine not that I should know." He studied me for awhile and then shrugged.

"Well there must be something wrong with him if he lets someone like you slip through his fingers." What's wrong with him is that all those years he's seen me as his sister and now that I'm happy with someone else, he has to screw with my head. No way, he is not calling me a mistake again. No I'm happy with Matt. Matt wants me and he definitely won't call me a mistake.

"He never saw me as anything but his sister…." _You don't dry hump your sister Bella_ my silent little voice mocked me"…so he never did anything and I never wanted him to in anyway." Matt smiled again and nodded.

"Well ok then, no harm in checking. I have to go but I'll come back tonight." He gave me a quick soft kiss and turned for the door.

"Bring some marshmallows with you." He stopped and turned back towards me.

"Marshmallows? What do you want to do with those?" I rolled my eyes.

"Eat it of course but I'll tell you all about it tonight. Oh I don't have candles, bring some candles as well." He looked at me strangely and then just shrugged.

"Sure beautiful, anything for you." He left and I sighed. Edward wouldn't have looked at me funny; he would just have said ok and brought the stuff with him. Edward is a lot more adventurous than Matt. Stop that Bella; you can't compare the two of them with each other.

You made your choice; you chose to come to England and move on. You can't look back now. Edward didn't want you then and he is most definitely not going to want you now. He is just scared of loosing you. You have to move on with your life and to do that you need to cut the cord. No matter how difficult that is going to be.

I made a new cup of coffee and walked with it to my study. Email would be the best way, that way he can't see your tears. I opened my laptop and logged into my account.

**Subject: **_**Time **_I took a sip of coffee for courage and then did the hardest thing I could ever do.

_**Edward. **_

_**Sorry for taking a whole week to respond to your email. The truth is I didn't know how to respond to it. So I took a week to think and now I don't know what to think anymore. **_

_**I'm in love with Matt, he is a great guy and he doesn't deserve what I put him through this past week. I've been distant, all because of your last email. That is not fair to him. He makes me happy Edward. **_

_**I also realized that I've been selfish. I cared more for you than just a friend. I didn't take your rejection of that one incredible (well to me at least it was incredible) night well. You thought it was a mistake and I respected your whishes to treat it as one. **_

_**It was what you wanted and I could never hurt you so I pretended Edward. I masqueraded as your best friend just to be close to you. But it is time that I move on. That you move on.**_

_**You asked me what would have happened if Emmett didn't interrupt us. Well I don't know, honestly I don't but I know what I wanted to happen. I wanted to make love to you. Not fuck you or have sex or screw you but make love with you. **_

_**But to you everything was a mistake and I'm glad Emmett interrupted us because I don't think I would have wanted to hear how sleeping with me, was a mistake. So you asked me to forget what happened, you asked me to treat it as a mistake and I did. **_

_**Know I'm asking you to give me some space, don't phone, don't write, don't anything. Do this for me, please Edward. I know that this will be hard but it is what I want. **_

_**Goodbye Edward. **_

I ignored the tears that rolled down my face as I clicked send. I knew that Edward was going to take this hard but it is necessary. If I want to give Matt a fair chance I have to give him my whole heart and I could only do that if Edward wasn't such a big part of it anymore.

But why does it feel like I have just broken up with somebody? Suddenly my phone rang, making me jump. **Edward** my caller id flashed at me. I sighed; did I really expect that he would just let himself be kicked out of my life? I pressed ignore but he just kept on calling. No matter how many times I ignored his calls he just kept on calling.

I turned off my phone in frustration. Suddenly the telephone started ringing in the kitchen. I just let it go to voice mail.

"I'm busy right now so here comes the beep; hopefully you know what to do with it." Edward's frantic voice filled the dead silent house vibrating of off the walls.

"Bella. Pick up the dam phone. I know you are there. I just want to talk to you and if you still want some space after that I promise that I won't ever call or write to you again. Please Bella, just pick up." I was set on not picking up that phone…. "Please Bells." He begged again his voice breaking a little. I caved and walked to the kitchen picking up the stupid phone.

"Hello Edward." I said tonelessly.

"Bella thank heavens." He croaked and my heart did a little flip from just hearing his voice

"Edward you have exactly one minute before I hang up on you." I said fighting over the emotions raging in my heart.

"Bella that night was not a mistake." His one sentence shook my world upside down.

"What?" I managed to croak out.

"That night was the single most amazing night of my life; it was everything but a mistake." My knees began to buckle and I gripped the counter for support.

"You don't mean that." He laughed a short nervous laugh.

"Yes I do Bella." I shook my head forgetting momentarily that he couldn't see me.

"No, you are just afraid you might loose me as a friend." He cursed and I heard a loud bang over the phone followed by some more cursing.

"Bella please come back to Forks, to me." He begged hurt filling his voice.

"Why?" I asked terrified that I even considered doing just that.

"Why not?" He countered and I sighed.

"I'm in love with Matt. He is the single most perfect person that I know. He cares about me, he is charming, handsome, kind and before all that he was a great friend to me." Edward snorted.

"Friend, that makes totally sense. Through all of that I have heard nothing about a spark between the two of you. That's because there probably never was. You're like a green twig and a soggy match, a rusty hammer and an icy nail." It felt like ice crawled into my heart, I knew he was right. Him being right, angered me.

"Matt and I have plenty of sparks. Better that that we have fireworks." I replied angrily.

"That was us." His snippy remark came over the line, drowning me in flashbacks of us together. I shook my head to get rid of the images.

"That doesn't even matter Edward. I choose Matt and I want to be happy with him. You said that if I still wanted some space then I can have it. Well I still want it so please don't call again." He cursed again.

"Fine then, take all the space you need Isabella. I will not burden you any longer. Just remember that the worst of lies we can tell is the ones we tell ourselves." Before I could reply he hung up on me.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I muttered and placed the phone back on the wall.

I walked to the nearest couch and for the first time in my life my cozy flat felt as if it was suffocating me. It felt like the silence was pressing down on me, I wanted time to think and now I couldn't even do that.

I stood up, dressed in a track suite. Tied my trainers and ran away from everything. I didn't pause to think, I just ran until it felt like I couldn't run anymore. I stopped in a little park; it was drizzling reminding me of Forks.

I plopped down on the nearest park bench and only then did my shoulders begin to shake violently as I finally cried.

**A/n ****ok one reviewer asked for a Bpov, so here you go. Other than that I don't have much to say. **

**Thanks to the ones that did review as always it was nice to read your insights into the story. **

**Feel free to review as reviews are always appreciated.**


	5. Confused

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight. **

**5. Confused**

**Bpov: **

**The night before my flight:**

I was busy freezing my butt off in front of the Cullen house. I've already knocked on the bloody door with a shaky hand and now I was freezing my ass off, all because I had to wait until the last minute to deliver a simple message.

Well ok it is not that simple; telling the man you are in love with that you are moving halfway across the world is not a really simple message. Nor is the fact that that said man is your best friend, which just makes the whole friendship not simple at all.

Simple is a small word, heartbreaking message or earth shattering message are very big words. And you see big words scare me, they scare me equally as much as spiders, snakes and thinking about how much in love I am with Edward Cullen does. So for my sanity sake we are simply going to refer to my cowardly escape to England as simple.

Simple and stupid and cowardly. Well falling in love with your best friend is stupid, and running away to England is cowardly so the only word I'm left with is simple. I heard footsteps approaching and my breath faltered.

"Isabella Swan you are such an idiot." I mumbled to myself as my brain kept screaming at me to run away but my feet stayed frozen to that small piece of concrete.

What the hell are you doing, you should be confessing your feelings for him not running away from them. But I'm not running away I'm flying away. Flying means that I can't turn around in mid air nor can I trip and fall, which will only force myself to look back and that would only lead to my eventual downwards spiral into unrequited love. Leaving me miserable and wondering how I could even call myself a respectable woman.

The footsteps stopped and I listened in agony as the key was turned in the lock. As the door was opened I asked myself how I could possibly want to run away from the perfect person smiling at me in the doorway. Oh no, I felt it deep in my gut, the one feeling that always poked out it's head when I was around Edward Cullen, the unmistakable feeling off word vomit.

"It took you long enough, Dorkward. I'm freezing my butt of out here." I said before I could stop myself. He rolled his eyes and I shoved passed him into the warm and welcoming house.

"Sorry for being busy, you know some of us have a life and can't go around making midnight booty calls." Edward joked as he closed the door.

"Who is making a midnight booty call?" I heard Edward's lovable mother asking from the living room.

"Bella of course, I think you better call the chief of police and tell him what his daughter is up too mom." Edward said as we walked into the living room. Esme and Carlisle was sitting on the main love seat. Carlisle was reading some hard to understand medical book and Esme was designing something in a sketch book. From the upside down book, on the only other vacant couch in the room, it wasn't hard guessing what Edward was busy with before I knocked on the door.

A fire was crackling in the hearth giving the room a nice toasty feeling. "Oh the chief doesn't mind my booty calls, as long as I'm safe of course. So Edward I hope you remembered the condoms." Carlisle and Esme chuckled as Edward's ears turned beet red. "So what are you reading nowadays Edward?" I asked as I settled on the couch. I might as well buy some time, no need to destroy his mood just yet. "Oh my dorkiness, 'Men are from Mars and women are from Venus'." I held up the book and his parents laughed again.

"That is not mine." He objected and I snorted.

"Oh really, it is lying here on the only vacant seat in the room with a bowl of your favorite cheese Doritos next to it and – " I leaned to the side and picked up a glass of soda – " your favorite soda just in arms reach. Well I guess if it is not yours I might as well eat this." The bowl was snatched away so quickly I barely saw him move.

"Don't you dare!" I smiled in victory and made myself more comfortable. He huffed in defeat and sat down next to me.

"Why you two never got together is beyond me." Esme remarked smiling at the two of us.

"Edward has really bad breath." I said bumping his shoulder playfully.

"I do not and you speak in your sleep." I rolled my eyes.

"So I talk in my sleep, whoop-t-do." Carlisle and Esme just gave each other a knowing look before continuing on with what they were doing. I opened Edward's book and read the first sentence that registered through my very distracted brain. "When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer." I rolled my eyes and closed the book. "Edward, seriously why are you reading this in anyway? It's a load of bull." Esme's head shot up and she gave me the stinky eye.

"Isabella Swan, don't you swear in my house." She said sternly but her eyes twinkled and she was fighting herself not to smile.

"But Dear, Bella is right. That book is just a load of bollocks." Esme looked at Carlisle and sighed in defeat.

"Carlisle there is no need to defend her; I never said that what she said wasn't true. That book is a load of nonsense I just don't want her to swear is all." I opened my mouth to apologize when Edward interrupted me.

"She didn't swear she just said it is a load of bull now if she said it was a load of bullshit then she would be swearing." Carlisle chuckled.

"Edward you're not too old to have your mouth washed out with soap." Esme scolded and I giggled at the mere thought of her scrubbing out his mouth with soap.

"I would like to see you try." Edward teased and Esme eyed him skeptically.

"Don't temp me." Edward winked at me and I could feel my heart start melting, if I didn't tell him now that I was leaving I was never going to do it.

"Talking about temptations there is something I would like to share with you." That seemed a simple enough way to start the doomed conversation.

"What is it Bella?" Edward asked as Esme and Carlisle gave me their undivided attention. This was going to affect them as well as Edward. They have been like an extra set of parents to me and I was like the daughter they have never had. Suddenly it felt like I couldn't breathe, as I looked into the faces of the people I loved dearly, at the people I was going to leave behind. It was easier telling Charlie about the big move than it was telling them, that in it self was a little backward.

"I uh……I am going to go study in England." I almost shouted. It felt like the sentence burned my tongue as I said it.

"That's great honey."

"England has some of the best University's available."

"What?" The last bold question came from none other than Edward. Esme and Carlisle looked at each other but didn't say anything. Slowly I turned to look at Edward, strengthening myself as I did so.

"I'm going to go study literature in England. Well The University of Surrey to be more exact. And if I'm lucky when I get my degree I can even teach literature in a proper English school." I kept it plain and simple, almost business like.

"That is a really good university Bella and you will be near London too so that is a bonus." Carlisle said and Esme nodded enthusiastically.

"Alice will pester you non stop for the latest fashion but maybe that would help you in that department. That would only be a good thing. Your closet could do with a lift in anyway." Esme said and I rolled my eyes, leave it to the women in the house to think of fashion in a moment like this.

"When?" Edward asked again, he turned his face away from me so that I couldn't see what emotion he was dealing with.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, to get settled in before the semester starts." I said again in that simple emotionless tone of mine. Esme nodded her head.

"That is very sensible of you Bella." Esme said as Carlisle looked at Edward, more like studied him.

"Why?" Edward asked finally turning towards me with a blank expression on his face. Suddenly it didn't seem simple anymore. I wanted to hold him and tell him that everything is going to be ok, that nothing is going to change and that I was going to stay here. I was going to be his friend forever and that I was sorry for even thinking about going away.

"Well Esme I think that it is time for that nightcap." Carlisle said and Esme looked at him all confused.

"What night….oh yes you're right. Now is perfect for that nightcap. Behave you two, Bella remember to come and say goodbye before you leave tomorrow." Esme said squeezing my shoulder as she walked past me.

"I'm really happy for you Bells." Carlisle said kissing my forehead. I smiled at him as he left the room closing the door behind him. Just like that they left me with Edward. The air was filled with sadness as if it sensed the emotion I was going through.

"Why?" Edward asked again but this time in a whisper. He looked like someone stole his favorite toy.

"This is a great opportunity for me Edward. Surrey has some excellent literature courses available." He snorted.

"You now that there are just as good courses available at our universities. Like Dartmouth for example." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Edward, we both know that this isn't about me not going too Dartmouth." He scowled.

"Yes it is." I shook my head.

"No it is not, you don't want me to attend any university without you." He objected almost immediately.

"No, that is not it. I don't want you to go to a university that is halfway around the world. You're my best friend and I don't want to loose you." He said and I huffed in annoyance.

"Edward, just because I'm halfway around the world does not mean that you are going to loose me. We can still write and call each other. I'll come home to visit. I need to go do this Edward. Please as my friend will you please just support me?" He stood up and started pacing in front of me. I watched as he walked from one side of the room to the other without saying anything. "Will you please tell me what you are thinking?" I said when I couldn't watch him anymore.

"What if I came with you, I'm sure that they will have legal courses." I jumped up.

"No!" His head snapped up when I shouted the word. I cursed myself, how exactly am I going to explain to him that I didn't want him there because I wanted to fall out of love with him. And where exactly did this get so not simple?

"So you don't want me there, this is what this is really about. You want to get away from me." He said sounding hurt; I shook my head trying to get him to calm down.

"No Edward, I just want to do this one thing on my own. Is that so hard too understand?" He started pacing again. "Would you please stop doing that?" He ignored me and just kept on pacing. Suddenly he stopped and turned to me.

"You're not going to give in are you?" I shook my head. "You know, I think you taught mules what stubbornness are." He walked towards me and crouched down placing his hands on my knees. "Bella please don't go." He didn't plead, he didn't beg but his simple query felt far worse. For the first time in our friendship I couldn't do what he asked of me.

"No Edward, please don't make this harder than what it needs to be." I said and he hung his head in defeat.

"Bella, I don't want you to go." He said it so softly that I had to strain forward to hear him.

"Why?" I whispered and he looked up his face a few inches from mine.

"Because I – " It looked like he was struggling to say something. "- I…I'm …Because you're my best friend, Bella. I don't want you to go. I don't think that I'll be ok without you." I sighed that was not what I wanted to hear. There was only one sentence that could make me stay and now I know that he didn't feel the same way about me like I felt about him.

"You'll be fine Edward. You'll have all the others with you. You won't even miss me." He shook his head.

"You're the only one that really knows me Bella." I stood up; tears were threatening to break over the brim of my eyes.

"Edward, you're my best friend and that will never change. I'll come by tomorrow to say goodbye." I ran out of the room only pausing to open the living room door. I ran down the hallway and only stopped to open the front door. It was then that Edward caught up with me.

"I'll ride with you to the airport; I can't let my best friend fly off without seeing her off at the airport. If I'm aloud too do that much." He said sounding bitter. I paused wanting to turn around. I nodded my head and opened the door. Without looking back, without saying goodbye and without my heart I ran to my truck.

**Present tense, start of first class:**

"Miss. Swan….Miss. Swan." There was a knock beside me on the table and it woke me out of my very vivid memory.

"Sorry –" I cleared my throat; it felt like I cried although I haven't shed a tear since my little breakdown in the park two months ago. "- Sorry, I was just remembering something." I said to the blonde girl that looked at me with worry in her eyes. Bree was her name if I recall correctly.

"All right, I just wanted to hand in my literature piece." I smiled at her and took it from her. Then I got up silenced all the talking students and began the class.

"Today I want you to write a poem about some memorable experience you had in your life. Any experience whatsoever. You must finish the poem in one hour. You will have to recite your poem in class so nothing R rated ok, Jared." A tall muscular boy in the back row scowled but nonetheless nodded his head. "Very well you may begin." A small boy in the front of the class raised his hand. "Yes Seth?" He smiled at me, he was a good student and in general a well brought up boy.

"Are you going to recite the poem you wrote as an example at the end of class?" I smiled and nodded.

"I will it is tradition after all." The class fell silent as they began their work. I forced myself to mark the questionnaires of the previous class to keep myself from thinking about Edward, especially on this day. I wanted some space and he has given it to me. I wanted it to be easier to forget him, I wanted to only see him as a friend but all I was left with was haunting memories. His spirit just doesn't want to leave me alone.

Sure when I'm around Matt he is nowhere to be seen but as soon as Matt leaves or drops me off he is there haunting me, teasing me and always forcing me to miss Edward even more.

Ten minutes before the class ended I stood up with a piece of paper in my hand. I wrote it last night in preparation for this lesson. It was about Edward, the only reason it was about Edward was because I couldn't write about anyone else. Or so I told myself in anyway.

It's a mixture of the night I told him I was leaving and the slight predicament I was in now. "Seth would you please read my poem?" I asked and he nodded taking the paper I held out to him.

"Miss. Swans poem is titled confused." He introduced it and then read it as if he wrote it himself.

**Confused. **

**I left your house that night all those years ago without saying goodbye. **

**I wanted to call you today and I can't help but wonder if I could. **

**I know you think that I have ruined you. **

**But I love you with my heart and soul. **

**I left your house that night all those years ago without saying goodbye. **

**Ten to one clean breaks might even be good. **

**But my heart didn't break, no you tore it out. **

**Now I'm sitting here in my classroom. **

**Like so many other times before. **

**And somewhere along the line I lost my best friend.**

**I know your most intimate details. **

**I know the language in which you speak even when you aren't saying anything. **

**In short…I know you. **

**I've seen you naked. **

**When you fell down we stood up together, taking the world by storm. Sometimes we even fell back down again. **

**But now the memories are driving me insane. **

**The fight is long gone. **

**The fire is extinguished. **

**The storm has past. **

**Everything is fine. **

**But I still feel so confused. **

**I left your house that night all those years ago without saying goodbye. You've always been the one that only talked when he must. **

**If I could sing and say less, you would have known what I needed. **

**Know all the memories are driving me insane. **

**I can't help but feel so confused. **

The classroom was quiet and then several hands were raised in the air. "Yes Bree?" I asked.

"Are you still friends with this person?" She asked and I sighed.

"No, I sort of ended the friendship." I said tonelessly.

"How do you sort of end a friendship?" Jared asked from the back.

"Raise your hand Jared. Well uhm, I guess by taking time out from that said friend." Seth raised his hand this time. I nodded towards him.

"No offence Miss. Swan but I think that you might have a thing for your friend." I sighed.

"I might have had a thing for him when I was younger but not anymore." I said and this time Jared remembered to raise his hand.

"Why are you wondering if you must call him?" I frowned and thought about how I was going to answer this question.

"Well, today is his birthday and I always call him on his birthday." A tall brunet raised her hand this time. "Yes Angela." I asked in amazement at the most silent girl in my class.

"I think you should call him, my mother always tells me that there are plenty fish in the sea but Miss. Swan it sounds like you want THIS fish. You're not going to get him by running away from anything." I wanted to ask her how she knew I was running away. I wanted to tell her that I didn't want Edward Cullen anymore. I wanted to tell her that she is far more observant for her own good but the bell rang and the students grabbed their books and bags and swarmed to the exit like cattle to a slaughter.

"Miss. Swan you really should call him." Angela said appearing out of nowhere next to me.

"I'm not running away." I said and she nodded placing a literature paper on my desk.

"I left that night all those years ago without saying goodbye. That sounds like running away to me." She walked passed me and I was speechless. She practically never spoke up in my class and now she saw better than anyone else, even myself, what I was subconsciously doing. She stopped in the doorway and turned to look at me. "Miss. Swan you have to ask yourself, if you are still running away after all these years isn't it about time you stop running." With that she left.

I'm not running away from anything, I'm moving on. "I am so not calling him!" I said to no one in particular.

"You are so not calling who?" I jumped at the unsuspected sound and spotted Matt as he leaned against the doorway.

"No one you should worry about. Don't you have a class you should be tending to?" I asked playfully as I ordered the stacks of papers on my desk.

"Maybe I should be worried, if this person can make you talk to yourself." He teased some more and I smiled at him.

"It's nobody important." I said and he made a thoughtful face.

"Well I haven't met Nobody Important yet. Is he a nice chap? Or maybe he is a bloke. Maybe I should invite him to join me for a pint in the pub." I chuckled and he smiled at me.

"Of with you, you better get to your class before you get fired." I scolded playfully but he just shrugged.

"They can't fire me for looking at the prettiest women in school." He blew me a kiss and disappeared down the hall. No I'm definitely not calling Mr. Nobody Important.

**Epov: **

**Later that night.**

"She is not going to call you." Rose said as I checked my phone for the hundredth time.

"She will. She won't miss my birthday. Even Bella is not that cold." I said as I placed my cell phone back in my pocket.

"Emmett, would you please tell Edward that she is not going to call. He is waiting around for a non-existent phone call that is never going to come and it is getting a little pathetic now." I huffed and glanced at the clock. It was about one in the afternoon. Bella was usually the first person to call me on my birthday followed shortly by my mother but she hasn't called me yet. I gave her the space she needed. I didn't write or call and that nearly killed me. Every time the post came I couldn't help but hope that she had decided to grace me with a letter.

"Edward she is not going to call. Will you please come open your presents now?" Emmett wined and I gave in.

"Fine then, we can open the presents." I followed him into the living room where Jasper and Alice was standing in front of a small pile of presents. My mother and father were handing out champagne and even James was here, skulking in the corner but still here. When everyone had a glass of champagne my father tapped the side of his glass dramatically.

"Here is to you Edward, my there be many more years and my cupid finally smile down on you and bless you with true love." Everyone cheered and drank to the toast. I just ignored his true love statement. True love was as a taboo for me as drugs. Bella had already chosen Matt over me.

"Here this one is from me and Jasper." Alice said dancing forward and handing me a small blue box. I ripped away the paper and inside was a small silver chain.

"Thanks guys." I said hanging it around my neck. Rosalie gave me a slightly bigger golden box. Inside was a golden Rolex.

"I think that with your new promotion you need a watch that is better fit for that particular role." She explained and I thanked her.

"Here you go bro." Emmett said throwing a rectangular box at me.

"Let me guess a PS3 game?" I asked and tore the paper off. "Yes God of War 3. Thanks Emmett that should keep me busy for awhile." He shrugged.

"No problem Dorkward." My mother gave me an envelope. I opened it and inside was an unrestricted airline ticket to England.

"You'll know when to use that." My father said and I vowed to throw it away as soon as he left. I thanked them and then James handed me another small box.

"You better appreciate that." He said and even cracked a smile. I opened it eagerly. Inside was an original copy of Withering Heights. "That's a first edition and it is signed by the author. I know you've been looking for one for ages." I couldn't stop looking at it.

"Thank you." Was all I could say, I've been searching for three years now. I intended it as a gift for Bella but that would probably never happen now.

"So let us party." Emmet said and that was just what we did. I tried to forget all about Bella, if she didn't even want to pick up a phone and call me then I'm not going to waste time by thinking of her.

**Five minutes before midnight.**

I couldn't sleep and was busy in the kitchen warming some milk when I heard the tone signaling that I had a new email. I took out my milk from the microwave and walked over to my laptop. As I took a sip of milk I spotted the name of the sender and almost gagged. Bella had emailed me. Quickly I opened it.

_**Edward. **_

_**How are you? I debated on calling you all day. Seeing as how our last phone call ended I didn't want to go through that again. **_Liar you are just a coward and didn't want to call me personally because that would make you feel guilty.

_**Well any case Happy Birthday. My all your dreams come true and all the best for the year to come. I hope that you had a great day. All off the best. **_

_**Bella. **_

A paragraph that was all she was giving me. Two months of not talking to each other and all she could write about was a lousy paragraph. This wasn't right and she wasn't getting away with it.

**Subject: B-day. **

**Bella, this sucks. **

**I want to talk to you. I want to know what is going on in your life. Not knowing is driving me insane. Sure the others tell me the little they get from you but that is like starters before the main meal, useless and unsatisfying. **

**How am I? I'm going crazy because all I ever think about is you. All the memories from the past, is haunting me. Please Bella, I don't know about you but this distance thing is not working. I know you Bella and I know that it must be hard for you too. **

**Why cause this suffering. I want you back in my life, so please Bella I beg of you….let me back in. **

**I love you, I miss you. **

**All my love. **

**Edward.**

I clicked on send and waited for her reply.

It has been six months since I sent that email and still I'm waiting. I poured myself a cup of coffee as Alice walked into the kitchen. "I hope you don't mind but I lead myself in." She said as she took the cup out of my hands and began sipping on it. I cocked an eyebrow questionably.

"What I mind is you drinking my coffee." She grimaced and added two spoons of sugar.

"You're going to need something stronger than coffee after you hear what I have to tell you. Maybe you should even sit down." I looked at her and didn't move.

"What is it Alice, are you having another fashion crisis?" She shook her head and then as if deciding something she placed the coffee on the counter.

"It's about Bella." My head shot up.

"Is something wrong, did something happen? How bad is it?" I fired at her so fast it almost sounded rehearsed.

"No nothing is wrong per say, yes something happened and no it isn't bad but that would depend on how you look at it." I frowned and gripped the counter.

"What is it Alice?" I asked and she took a big breath.

"Bella is engaged."

**A/n ****Wow I have been busy this week. My brother is getting married so I've been swamped with wedding tasks and if you throw in my work then I've pretty much been busy as a bee. Plus I have to keep my mother sane through this whole wedding process and that in it self is a full time job. Well I managed to write this, another mostly Bpov so I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Thanks to the ones that did review as always it was nice to read your insights into the story. **

**Feel free to review as reviews are always appreciated.**


	6. Intervening

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight. **

**6. Intervening**

**Ten years ago at a bar a couple of streets from Edward's house:**

**Epov:**

"Excuse me but you are not aloud in here." I looked at the over muscled arm that blocked my way into the bar. I glared up the arm to the shoulder which finally lead me to the face of the very pissed of looking bouncer.

"Look Sir I just want to go get my friend in side. She had a very ruff day and I'm almost sure that she is in there drowning her sorrows in a bottle of tequila." The bouncer didn't move.

"Yeah and I'm Santa Clause, I heard all the stories by now. My mother is allergic to alcohol, it's my friends surprise bachelors party or even the occasional, my friend is having a baby and his wife is going to be pissed if he is pissed." I sighed in frustration.

"Ok you want the truth, because you might loose your job if you know the truth. You see, you let in a dark-haired girl about an hour ago. She flirted a little, which is never a good thing I might add. She looked innocent and you felt a little better by just meeting her. So how could you let such an Angel stand outside in the cold? You succumbed to the little voice in your head and let her in. She promised that she was only going to call a cab knowing that by the time that you remembered that you let her in she would have had enough time to drink at least five shots of tequila.

"But unbeknownst to her, was the fact that you are much dumber than you look. You have forgotten about her as soon as the next pretty faced girl walked up to you with the only intent of just using the bathroom inside. What you didn't know is that that angel is underage and that you can most possibly be responsible if the club got shut down. All because you wouldn't let in a boy who only wanted to remove that said minor from the club making your job just so much easier."

He looked at me like I lost my marbles and then slowly removed his hand. "I'm pretty sure that I have no clue as to whom you are referring to. I checked everyone's ID's as they entered the bar. I'm also fairly sure that you insulted me in there somewhere but if there is a slight possibility that you are right, you better go find your friend before she gets in trouble." I smiled and nodded.

"It will only take a few minutes." I made my way hastily into the bar. I had to squint to see through all the smoke, and I could barely hear anything over the blaring speakers. But like always, my eyes were drawn to her as if she was an Edward magnet. She was sitting at the bar; drinking something, I would bet my ridiculously small allowance on that it was tequila. I pushed and shoved my way open to her ignoring the bartender that eyed me suspiciously.

"I love this town. Only in Forks can you find a bar that is more than willing to serve minors." Bella looked up at me irritatingly.

"And if you get a drink, they're also serving pigs." Jeez it was worse than I thought.

"Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty." I joked and the bartender stopped polishing the brandy glass giving me a rather suspicious look.

"You just love it when a girl talks to you." I snorted and sat down next to her.

"Actually, I prefer them when they're not talking." She snorted.

"Mm. I've missed your witty banter while I was on vacation." I took the glass from her placing it out of her reach.

"Let's catch up then, at your house. That way you can take a shower and look at the world with new vigor." She shook her head.

"How about I just get a bite to eat? I'm drinking on an empty stomach." I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah you know that was really stupid of you in the first place." She nodded.

"I know but it was a special occasion." I sighed and helped her up. The barman appeared out of nowhere.

"Are you ok? Must I call you a cab?" Bella threw her arm over my shoulder.

"Don't worry James, this is my best friend, he'll take good care of me." Bella said and he just kept eyeing me.

"You might want to consider looking at ID's at your bar since she is only sixteen." He frowned and then just nodded his head.

"You make sure she gets home safely." With that he turned around and tended to a customer that was banging his glass on the counter in impatience.

"Come on I'm hungry." I smiled as we made our way out of the bar.

"Well, how about a grilled cheese with truffle oil? You love truffles." She smiled and looked back at the bar.

"Enough too know that it is not on the menu." I smiled as I opened the bar door.

"I'm very well connected." She giggled.

"I'm only going with you because I'm hungry." I smiled.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night honey."

**Present tense:**

**Apov:**

"Emmett, I called you like ten times already! Where have you been?" I screamed over the telephone in frustration. Sometimes he could just be a big pain in the ass.

"Alice calm down, I went to the dentist at lunch and now I'm about to meet Rosalie for a surprise date. It's one of the most romantic things I did for her since…." I interrupted him before he got carried away about just how much in love him and Rosalie where.

"Who cares about plaque or super sexy, super bitchy girlfriends when your best friend is having a meltdown?" That got his attention.

"Edward is having a meltdown? Why on earth for, unless you….you told him didn't you?" I huffed at his accusing tone.

"Someone had to tell him and since the rest of you where just a bunch of cowards you didn't leave me any choice." He cursed loudly.

"We said that we were all going to tell him. But no, Alice, the always interfering pixie, just had to go and do it her way. Do you ever stop to think that your way isn't the right way?" I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"My way might not be the smoothest way but it will all turn out right in the end. You must just get here and convince Edward that he has to go to England and stop Bella from marrying Mr. Perfect." He groaned and shouted something that sounded like "Rose Edward is having a midlife crisis" in the background.

"Why she would want to marry Mr. Pathetic instead only you would know. You just keep him calm. Rose and I'll be over in a ten minutes." I groaned and looked at the kitchen.

"Edward put down that bottle." He just gave me the finger and took a big gulp. "Emmett, you better make that five minutes." I hung up and tried to keep Edward from falling to pieces.

**Later at Bella's house after the bar incident:**

**Epov:**

"Is it safe to come out yet?" I whispered through the crack in her closet.

"Yes Dorkward, my parents have gone to sleep." I sighed in relief and opened the closet door, tumbling out as silently as I could.

"That thing gets smaller every year." I mumbled as I joined Bella at the foot of her bed. Our backs where against her bed and we sat crossed legged on the carpet. She was busy getting the candles ready for our midnight snack. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked and she stiffened slightly.

"Don't blame the closet; you're the one that gained all that weight over the summer." I smiled.

"Bella I was referring to the reason you went to the bar, the reason why all men are suddenly pigs. Might I just add that if I was a pig, I would be Babe and the rest would all be mud covered smelly fat pigs." She smiled and then sighed.

"It was a summer romance in Miami. I do not want to talk about it. The beauty of it is; that because it's a summer romance I don't have to talk about it. It is not summer anymore and it was never meant too last." I let her finish her little rant.

"Fine then I just thought that I might mention that you and Mr. Pig were on Youtube. Everyone saw you having sex on the beach." Her head snapped up and I placed my hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming. Once she calmed down I removed it.

"I'm going to kill Alice. Filming me like that." I frowned.

"You actually had sex on the beach?" Bella gagged on a marshmallow.

"No, I thought you said that it was live-streamed on Youtube." I smiled and shrugged sheepishly.

"Well, it's not very scandalous. And no, she haven't streamed it –"Bella sighed in relief –"yet –"and her relief was short lived –"But I heard it was aggressive." She smiled as she remembered something.

"I must say. He was surprisingly good at everything we've done." I forced the bail in my throat down.

"Which is? Everything?" I managed to finally choke out in a whisper.

"No! But, feel free to ask any personal questions." I shushed her.

"But surely over the whole summer you and Mr. Pig talked about it?" I asked trying to sound not so relieved.

"No, mom! We haven't." I shushed her again and she stuffed another marshmallow in her mouth.

"Those are for roasting. And may I remind you that in a healthy relationship you talk about stuff. Like our relationship for example, we talk about everything." She smiled at me and bumped my shoulder.

"That is because you are my best friend. And I know you are supposed to talk about it but sometimes talking about it or planning it can ruin a good thing, you know?" I nodded briefly thinking about not thinking about having sex with Bella.

"I would know, well as long as he didn't pressure you into anything." She giggled and shook her head.

"He didn't pressure me into anything. But, I don't know and you are a guy so maybe you can shed some light on the subject. Is it possible for a guy to want to slow things down?" I shrugged.

"Only the guys we like –"That made her laugh –"But with you, I can't imagine why." She looked at me questionably.

"Because he is secretly gay and the only reason why he dated me over the summer is because it was what his parents wanted to see. Their only son must be on the arm of some girl." Bella said matter-of-factly.

"No wonder you were trying to drown your sorrows in tequila." I said sarcastically and she just nodded.

**Present time:**

**Apov:**

"That is enough, she made her choice and there is nothing you can do about it." Emmett said trying to take away the bottle of Brandy Edward was trying to down in one gulp. Edward glared at him as he took away what seemed to be his life source.

"Please tell me that you did not walk out on a date with me for this?" Rosalie said as she and Jasper walked into the kitchen.

"Edward, get a grip. Not once in all the years you were with Bella did you tell her how you felt, you have no one to blame but yourself." Jasper said as Emmett emptied the bottle down the sink.

"I asked her, no in fact I begged her, not to go." Edward said his voice filled with agitation.

"Did Bella ask you why she shouldn't go?" Jasper asked calmly.

"Of course she did." Edward said throwing his arms in the air in frustration.

"And what did you tell her." Jasper asked again his calmness having some affect on Edward so that he was a bit more civilized.

"I told her that I was her best friend and that I needed her." Edward said and Rosalie did something that she has never done in her entire life. She walked to Edward, took his hands in hers and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Did you ever think that just maybe you should have told her that you were in love with her? That you didn't want her to go because you couldn't stand to be without her? Did you maybe even think about kissing her? You Edward Cullen are so afraid of loosing your best friend that you never stopped to think that you could gain something much better.

"Now stop being so afraid. Princesses can't do everything themselves. Call me old school, but sometimes the Fairy Tale ending requires the Knight to get off his ass and saddle up his steed. Or in your case, get that bloody airplane ticket and go to England to safe your beloved from the nasty evil school teacher, Mr. Perfect, before he steals her from you permanently."

Edward was not the only one that was dumbfounded, all of us were looking at Rosalie as if she was kidnapped by aliens and had her brain rewired. "Go!" She pushed Edward a little and he walked out of the kitchen looking at her over her shoulder every few seconds. All of us just kept staring at her. "Stop staring at me, you all know that he just needed a good kick in the ass to get him moving." Okay, she's just the same old Rosalie.

"Babe did I ever tell you how brilliant you are?" Emmett said pulling her in for a hug.

"Oh piss off; I'm still mad at you for running out on our date." Yup, same old Rosalie.

"So who will give me a lift to the airport?" Edward asked holding up his ticket.

**Midnight, after the marshmallow roasting:**

**Epov:**

"Let's play a game" Bella said as we lay on her bed, cuddled together for warmth.

"I'd say strip poker, but I don't have any cards." She jabbed her elbow into my side.

"I don't think so Casanova. I meant more like something like truth or dare." I grunted. "What?" She asked propping herself up on her elbow so that she could look at me.

"Every time you want to play truth or dare you just want to know something. So why don't we just skip all the games and you can just ask me what you want to know." She glared at me playfully.

"I hate it that you know me so well." Bella complained.

"Bella no matter how much I convince myself that I know you, you always do something that makes me catch my breath and that just reminds me how much more there is for me to know. " She smiled at me. "So what is it that is bothering you?" I asked and the smile faded.

Do you ever wish that you could do something else with your life?" I frowned.

"What do you mean Bella?" She sighed and sat up.

"Our parents expect us to go to universities or colleges. Meet someone out of a good family, marry, have kids and live happily ever after." I smiled.

"You don't want to live happily ever after?" She smacked me again.

"There is no such thing as happily ever after, relationships take work, effort and understanding. And love just makes understanding more effortless. Maybe I don't want to get married. Maybe I want to be a lonely spinster with no kids, no friends and family that only checks up on you every few years to make sure that you haven't gone crazy yet." She was so serious, this was something that was clearly bothering her for a very long time.

"First of all I believe in Happily Ever After. Secondly I agree a relationship is hard work. But if you truly love the person that you are married to, then all that effort, all the arguments and disagreements, all of that won't matter because all you will remember when you sit in your rocking chair thinking about the good all days is the good times.

"The days your husband bought you flowers for no apparent reason or when you found your favorite chocolate on your pillow when you go to bed. You will remember all the firsts. The first house you bought together with your pitiful salaries, the even bigger second house. The first puppy you adopted. The first baby you had, with all the unknowns that go with parenting. The always easier second baby.

"The first nappy he tried to clean, first time you took your child to school. The first vacation as a family. The sadness that goes with children moving out of the house and starting their lives. Your first time baying a smaller house again. Then lastly as you hold the hand of the gray haired man beside you, you will remember the first time you saw him, the first date and the first kiss. You will know that even though he's old and crippled, toothless and wrinkled, you will know that you love that man more than anything in the world and all the fighting and arguing was worth it."

Bella smiled and it was one of those smiles that could warm my heart no matter how cold it was outside. "Who would have thought, Edward Cullen was a closet romantic." I just shrugged looking away sheepishly.

"So what brought all this on in anyway?" I asked and she just sighed.

"I just don't want the same life my parents had. I don't want to say no to all the things I want to say yes to." There was a small frightening tone in her voice.

"Bella, don't worry about the future just yet, we still have a few more years in high school. Nothing is set in stone, I'm sure that you will do what your heart desires in the end. So tell me about this trouble you got yourself into with Lauren." Bella smiled.

"Don't change the subject." I lay back with my arms crossed behind my head.

"Don't pretend you didn't want me to. So tell me and maybe I can help you." She sighed and then took a big breathe.

"First of, I'm innocent. Well, except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone and even worse than doing that stupid thing I did the same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I had never done that stupid thing before. You look confused, should I walk you through it?"

**Present time at Edward's house: **

**Apov:**

"We did the right thing right? I mean what if Bella is really happy with Mr. Perfect?" I turned when I reached the wall and started to walk to the other side.

"Will you stop pacing? We did the right thing. If Edward tells her how he feels and she still chooses to marry Mr. Perfect then he will know that he did everything he could but that she didn't feel the same. He won't have to sit and wonder about what ifs for the rest of his life. He will be able to finally move on with his life." Rosalie said and I had to agree that for maybe the second time in her life she sounded like a half decent person.

"Rose is right Alice. Who does this Mr. Perfect think he is? Edward is putting up a strong front, but I can see how hurt he is. We have to help him to steal her heart back." I looked at him skeptically.

"Emmett it just doesn't feel right to mess around with peoples hearts." He shrugged.

"Alice we all know that those two belong together. They couldn't find each other on their own so here we are, being the faithful friends we are, giving them a push. Plus I think that we can remind them of this day for the rest of their happy lives together if they do end up together." We all laughed but I couldn't help but too think about that if.

**Next morning in Bella's room:**

**Epov:**

I woke to someone hitting me on the chest. "Ow, get of me you crazy person." I said as I sat up rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Bella looked like the she-devil as she glared at me.

"Who? What? When? Where? Why?" She asked mentioning with her hand between us.

"We were up late plotting against Lauren, we must have dozed off." I said trying to get her to relax. If her father catches me in her room at this hour in the morning, he will most likely shoot me. Plus he could make it look like suicide if he wanted to. He was chief of police after all.

"And you were on the floor." Bella accused.

"I didn't want to hurt my back." I countered softly trying to get her to calm down.

"Why? It's not like you do anything athletic." I sighed and stood up.

"Bella calm down okay, nothing happened and I swear I never touched you." That seemed to calm her somewhat.

"Sorry, for overreacting." I nodded.

"Well before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea." She said and I furrowed my eyebrows as I tried to remember what the idea was.

"Was that plan number five? Let Lauren test drive my Volvo, after we cut the brakes of course." She smiled but shook her head.

"Your Volvo is too expensive." I shrugged.

"There is insurance." I glanced at my watch and decided that I better get out of there before Charlie really shoots me. "Well, I trust you can take it from here. I value my life and so I have to go." She smiled and nodded.

"Don't worry about it; I can bitch enough for both of us." I smiled and walked to the window.

"Well don't get caught, I used up all my savings so I can't bail you out of jail. Be like me, silent but deadly." I opened her window and paused to listen for her fathers snoring.

"How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?" She asked and I shrugged and smiled.

"Because, I'm nice. You should try it sometime. Come on compliment me; tell me my hair looks nice." She looked at my hair and shivered.

"But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower yesterday?" I rolled my eyes.

"Never mind, just don't get caught."

**Present tense, England some many hours later:**

**Epov:**

I can't believe that I actually let the others talk me into this. I am completely loosing my mind. All I had to find Bella was her address. The house I was currently standing in front of was most definitely not hers. It was a two story square house and I mean a literal square. It was old, red brick trimming old. Her garden was a little wild and half of it was growing on the house.

There were no lights on in the house; I knocked about ten times already so she couldn't be sleeping. The only alternative was that she was out, with her fiancé. Just saying the word wanted to make me gag. I sat down on the small step in front of her door. Well I came this far, waited this long to tell her that I loved her I might as well wait a little longer….in the cold I might add.

How I miss the days I could just climb through her window whenever I wanted. That window bared witness to our deepest darkest secrets. It saw triumphs and misery and most of all it saw two friends that were always there for each other. I looked up as a car stopped in the small narrow driveway. I sat behind a bush and I wasn't sure if the people who occupied the car saw me when the headlights moved over the area I was sitting in.

"Matt, thank you for a lovely evening." I heard Bella say and I automatically stood up. My body began to buzz with the anticipation of seeing her again, Face to face, feeling her against me. If I was even aloud to give her a hug.

"Anything for you, my love. Wait let me escort you to the door." Another car door was opened. No stay on your stupid car, I shouted at him in my head.

"There is no need, the door is right there." She turned to point at the said door and froze as she saw me. Her mouth was slightly open in a round shape. It was too dark for me too see anything else.

"Bella is something wrong?" What's his face asked and spotted me as well.

"Who are you, what do you want. We don't have anything of value on us." He said as he slowly walked to Bella's side. No you just have the most valuable thing of all, Bella's heart.

"Hello Bella, sorry I waited so long to make my presence known." I said ignoring what's his face all together. A jolt went through Bella when I spoke and she finally managed to close her mouth.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" She managed to squeak out in a small voice.

"I was in the neighborhood. Uh, give or take a few thousand miles. I'm well thanks, thank you for asking." Finally she unfroze and taking what's his face's hand she walked towards me.

"Matt this is my friend Edward. Edward this is my….uh….my uh…. –" She faulted and I couldn't help but feel a little lifted at that

–"Her fiancé Matt Colt." What's his face finished her sentence for her. I shook his hand mechanically.

"Edward Cullen." I said turning my attention back to Bella. "I'm sorry for the late hour but I really need to talk to you. It's important." She looked from me to what's his face and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in that little beautiful head of hers.

"Well I'll leave you two to it then, I'm sure you have loads to talk about." What's his face said and leaned in for a kiss.

"Matt why don't you stay, you two can get to know each other." Bella said and I cursed in my head, what's his face smiled.

"I can't, I have tests to mark remember. You two have fun." He pulled her close and gave her a thumping good kiss, right in front of me. I had to ball my hands into fists not to pull him of off her. I looked away, not out of politeness but out of anger. I knew what this was about, he was marking his territory and I was not going to give him the satisfaction he wanted. "See you tomorrow my love." He gave her a final kiss on the hand and then walked to his car.

Bella waited for him to drive away before she finally spoke. "Edward, what are you doing?" She asked folding her arms in front of her.

"I'm just standing here….in the cold….waiting for you to unlock the door. Friends do invite there friends in when they come to visit don't they?" She huffed and I could see a smile just starting to form at the hook of her mouth.

"Who says I want to invite you in?" I shrugged.

"Well I can have this conversation out here as well but it would be much better if we could talk inside. Plus there is that little matter where I took you to the hospital to have your stomach pumped after you got wasted when you were seventeen. I recall I stole your patient files so that my father couldn't see that you were at the hospital for alcohol poisoning. I told you that I would collect on that IOU someday. Well, consider this my collection." This time she actually did chuckle.

"I remember…. that it was your fault that I had alcohol poisoning in the first place. But do come inside. Since it is cold out and I don't want to catch a cold." She unlocked the door and led the way inside flipping on switches as she did so. "Do you want some coffee?" She asked and although I could do with the warm liquid I shook my head.

"No Bella I don't want coffee." I said and she looked at the couch.

"Do you want to sit down?" Once again I shook my head. She sighed and looked at me. "Then what do you want Edward?" I walked to her, pulled her into me and slid my arms around her waist securing her to me. I only hugged her but to me it felt so much more than a hug. Her head still only came up to my shoulders. Her hair still smelt like strawberries. But she was no longer the teenager that I hugged at the airport. She was a woman.

Slowly her rigid form relaxed and she melted into me. Her body a perfect fit to mine. "I've missed you." I whispered pulling her even closer. But it is as if I broke a spell with my words because she began pushing with her palms against my chest and I let her go.

"Edward why are you here?" She asked looking at me and I almost got lost in her dark brown eyes. No focus you have to focus.

"I'm here too stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life." I said as I picked up her left hand to look at the ring she wore on her ring finger.

"You should have called. I could have told you over the phone that I love Matt and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him." I dropped her hand.

"You're lying." I stated and she scoffed.

"I am not." She countered and this time it was my turn to sigh.

"Your eyes are doing that thing where they don't match your mouth." I said and she glared at me.

"I wasn't aware that robots got jealous. Did they update your software when I moved to England?" I made a dismissing sign with my hand.

"Bella don't marry what's his face." She huffed on annoyance.

"His name is Matt. And why shouldn't I marry him?" I smiled at her.

"Because Bells, what's his face will never be me and he will never love you as I love you. I know that love is unconditional. But I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing. What you are feeling for what's his face is fake Bella, because no matter what you tell yourself when you lay in your bed at night, you love me. You know it and I know it.

"You feel summersaults in your stomach when I touch you. You feel as if your whole body is set on fire when I just look at you. When you wanted space I haunted you and I know you feel all this because I feel all that when you touch me and when you look at me." Bella didn't say anything; she just looked at me, or more like studied me. "Would you just say something please?" I said when I couldn't take it anymore.

"I don't know what to say." She whispered out.

"Tell me that you don't love me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me." Slowly she lifted her head, our eyes connected.

"I…. I…..don't." I smiled closing the distance between us.

"You're lying again." I placed two fingers under her chin tilting her face up. My lips crashed down on hers. I poured all my pent-up frustrations, all my years of longing, all my emotions and all of my love for her into that one kiss. And she kissed me back with as much passion as I was kissing her.

When I couldn't refuse my need for oxygen any longer I pulled away from her. "Bella you can only fool yourself for so long. Here I wrote you something on the plane. I better go; I still need to book myself into a hotel. I'm sorry if I upset you by coming here tonight." I didn't wait for a reply as I placed a small piece of paper on the coffee table.

I glanced over my shoulder to where she was still standing; shoulders slumped like she was caring the weight of the world on them. It took everything in me to not go to her and to comfort her. But I had to go. She needed to think things through. She needed time and I was willing to give her that much, well at least until the morning.

**Back in the living room:**

**Bpov: **

I picked up the piece of paper and with shaky hands I opened it.

_**Bella. **_

_**Remember when you baked Lauren hash brownies convincing her that it was just normal chocolate brownies? How were we supposed to know that she was going to feel extremely hot and take of all of her clothes….in front of the entire student body? **_

_**When the headmaster finally found out what happened, I said that I gave you the hash brownies and that you had no idea that they weren't normal brownies. I got detention for like…a year not to mention that my parents grounded me for life. Your parents also grounded you because they knew that nothing ever happened that didn't involve both of us. **_

_**Anyway my point that I'm trying to make is, as we were plotting against Lauren I realized something. I realized that I was in love with you. After we got the amazing idea of the hash brownies (I still think she must have just crashed my car) you dozed of. **_

_**Anyway I couldn't sleep, so when you began to talk in your sleep I was wade awake. You said, "Love you Edward." **__I shook my head in disbelieve._

_**Yes Bella stop shaking your head. **__How does he always know?_

_**You said it and then you said something about "Feed the dragon Edward." May I just say that you have very weird dreams? **_

_**Anyway I wanted to feel close to you for just once in my life (other than the Christmas kiss we shared, that only happened a year later) so I snuck into bed with you. I was careful not to wake you. **_

_**Anyway when you felt me next to you, you were the one who snuggled into me. And I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't help but think that you fitted against me perfectly. You muttered something about "feeling safe" and then I dozed of. **_

_**When you woke me (rather rudely I might add. You definitely need to work on your morning manners) I saw you with bed hair and sleep in your eyes and I thought that you were the most beautiful person I have ever seen. **_

_**I thought that I wouldn't mind waking up next to you for the rest of my life. Bella I will love you no matter what. I loved you since I was sixteen, I'm still in love with you and I will love you until the day that I die. I will love you when you are old and gray. **_

_**Bella I'm not promising you a garden of roses, because for that garden to grow there needs to be a little rain sometimes. I'm not even asking you to marry me. All I'm asking is that you give us a chance, take this leap with me Bella. **_

_**Haven't we wasted enough time already?**_

**A/n Ok, so I have been a little busy. Thanks to a reviewer ****xXxIggyxXx****, who mentioned a book called 'Where rainbows end'. I just had to read it; I just could not put it down. Seriously make it a point to read that book it is amazing. OK, so for this chapter…Edward finally told Bella how he felt about her with some help from his friends. This might be a tad longer than the others but that is just because I got a little carried away writing about Edward and Bella in the earlier years. **

**Thanks for everyone that reviewed. All reviews are always appreciated. **

**Feel free to review so go ahead and click on the new blue button. **


	7. Derailed

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight. **

**7. Derailed**

**Bpov:**

I was back in the park, my legs felt like jelly and my breathing was heavy as I jogged down that wretched lane. Once again my mind was filled with thoughts about Edward. It wasn't filled with thoughts of my loving doting fiancé. It wasn't filled with wedding plans or what my wedding dress should look like. It wasn't filled with the tons of tests I had yet to mark that waited for me at home.

No, my brain was filled with Edward Cullen and his ability to derail my life. Just when I finally had him out of my head and out of my heart, he decides to come barreling back in and all those feelings came rushing back. It came back with such a force that I thought I was going to double over from its impact. I felt how my heart started beating again as if it was dead and he somehow revived it.

When I saw him again it was as if I had never seen such a beautiful site in my life. I had to fight my body's instincts to run to him. When Mike kissed me goodnight it felt wrong, as if I was betraying Edward somehow. When he left me with Edward I was afraid to go into the house with him, somehow I knew that if he came into my house he was going to alter my life forever.

And he did, he set my world spinning out of course. When we kissed it felt like my whole body was on fire, my blood was literally boiling as little explosions went of in my heart. . When he pulled away I instantly longed for him to kiss me again. Then after he left I read that stupid letter, the very reason why I had to dig out my trainers. That letter was why I was running in the park, trying to get clarity to decide how I was supposed to go on from here.

**Haven't we wasted enough time already? **

That one little line was taunting me, dancing before my eyes with every step I took. I stopped running and as I sat down on the ground exhausted, I realized that I wasn't running away from Edward. I wasn't running away from Matt either. The only thing that I was running away from was myself. I know that if I loved Matt as I thought I did, I would never have felt those feelings for Edward. I would never have kissed Edward the way I did.

I still didn't know if Edward and I was going to last. I was afraid that I would loose him if we became more than just friends. I didn't know how we were going to make this work between us, would he move here or would I move back to Forks? What I did now was that I could not marry Matt. He deserved better. He deserved someone who could give them their whole heart.

I sighed as I stood up, I groaned as I felt how stiff my legs were. I walked the way home thinking about how exactly I was going to tell Matt that I didn't want to get married anymore. He wasn't going to take the news very well, still how does one tell such news? It's not like you can go up to someone and say, "I don't want to get married anymore, enjoy the rest of your life." I sighed half in annoyance half in gratitude when I finally reached my house. Well it's better to face the music than to live with regrets for the rest of your life.

I took a long warm shower letting the hot water sooth my sore muscles. When the water ran cold I got out dressing quickly. I was about to pour myself a cup of coffee when there was a knock on the door. Mumbling under my breath that Edward better not be the one waiting at the door I made my way into my living room. The person knocked again impatiently and I huffed in annoyance. I unlocked it ready to yell at Edward to get lost when I saw a teenage boy smiling at me.

"I've got a special delivery for Miss. Swan." He said happily holding out a huge bouquet of roses towards me. I took the flowers completely overwhelmed and the boy made a small curtsy before walking away. He was gone before I even regained my composure. Matt must have felt completely guilty after leaving me with Edward last night. I closed the door smelling the lovely roses and when I lifted my head I spotted the card. I felt guilty; here Matt was sending me flowers thinking everything is ok while I was planning on the best way to tell him that it is over. I opened the card with a heavy heart.

**Of all the mistakes I made you are by far my favorite. Love Edward. **

I stared at the card in complete shock. Edward had sent me the flowers. Edward was being romantic. Edward was sending me roses with innuendo cards. Edward was the cause for my lightheadedness. Edward was the reason why butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. Edward's roses made my heart pound at a hundred miles per hour. My brain kept on screaming at me that this was wrong. I had to break things off with Matt first but my heart was telling me that this was right. That nothing could make it happier that receiving roses from Edward for the rest of my life.

My head jumped as my phone rang. Smiling to myself and smelling the roses once more I walked to the kitchen. I scanned the counter top for my phone, finally spotting it on top of the microwave. I placed the roses on the counter and glanced at the little window.

**Alice. **

"Hello Alice." I answered walking to the living room.

"Bella, you sound happy." She said as I sat down on the love seat smiling at her comment.

"Well I'm far from happy, do you know that Edward showed up on my doorstep last night?" There was a little silence on the other side.

"Is that necessarily a bad thing?" She asked carefully and I groaned.

"Yes it is a bad thing. I'm engaged to a wonderful man and now Edward has come and turned my world upside down. I don't know what to do." I huffed, glad that I had someone to vent to.

"Do you love him?" She asked and I rolled my eyes.

"He is irritating, we argue more than we talk, he is cocky and an ass most of the time but when he touches me I feel like I've been electrocuted. My heart races whenever he looks in my direction and when he is in the same room as me I don't have to search for him because I instinctively know where he is. He is finicky and has more quirks than anyone I know but I love every single one of them. Yes Alice, I love Edward." The confession didn't even shock me, it was more a realization than and actual shock.

"Uhm Bella, I was talking about Matt." I blinked a few times realizing that I gave myself away.

"Uhm…..I….well….you see…" I was at a loss for words.

"I do see, Bella if Edward is the one for you then you have to listen to your heart and call of the wedding. Stop running, the two of you have wasted enough time as it is. If the others and I never stepped in then you two will probably ended up miserable for the rest of your life." That little line danced in front of my eyes again.

**Haven't we wasted enough time already? **

I frowned when the rest of her sentence dawned on me. "What did you just say?" I asked.

"I said that the two of you have wasted enough time as it is." I shook my head and then remembered that she couldn't see it.

"No after that." I asked and I could hear her gasp over the telephone. "Yeah that is what I thought. So you and the others think it is ok to mess with peoples hearts?" I accused angry now that they always mingled in stuff that wasn't meant to be mingled in.

"Bella, it's thanks to us that you are not going to be trapped in a loveless relationship. It's mostly thanks to Rose that you realized to whom your heart truly belongs before it is too late." I snorted.

"Yeah since you guys are so smart maybe you want to tell me what I should do next." There was silence and I could see her doing her little victory dance. "Alice, stop dancing." I scolded and she giggled.

"I wasn't, know what do you mean what should you do next. You should cancel the wedding and then you and Edward can live happily ever after, the end." I rolled my eyes.

"Alice life is not a fairytale. I love Matt but I love Edward as well. You don't build your happiness on another's unhappiness. This will break Matt's heart." Alice sighed on the other end of the line.

"Bella, hearts mend again. He will get over it and then he will move on. You've loved Edward since you fell into his lap on the bus. You fell even more in love with him when you two almost had sex at that Christmas party." I choked and had to cough a couple of times before I could speak again.

"What, how do you know about that? I never told you." She laughed.

"Bella I'm Alice, knower of everything. Beside the vibes between the two of you when you returned was enough to set the whole place on fire. After that incident you should have seen the looks you gave each other when the other was busy with something. It was like you could take each other then and there." I groaned.

"You never said anything." I finally replied and this time she sighed.

"Bella it was not my story to tell. Jasper is waving for me to hurry up; he is taking me to the mall since my little Porsche are in for some modifications. So I leave you with this. Trust your heart and everything else will sort itself out. You love Edward; Edward loves you so there shouldn't be a problem. Just get rid of What's his face and go get your happily ever after. Love you. Bye." Before I could reply she had hung up.

"Well thanks for nothing." I jumped when my phone rang in my hand. I was going to have a heart attack if everyone kept on calling me at all sorts of times.

**Matt. **

I sighed contemplating on whether I should answer it or not. You're a grown up Bella. You can't avoid him forever.

"Hello." I answered thankful that my voice was steady.

"Hello love. How was your evening with Edmond?" He asked and I sighed.

"His name is Edward and it was –" Life altering, shocking, the best kiss ever, life changing –"ok." I finished my sentence with the safest word I could think of.

"That's good, so what did he want?" He asked curiously. Well he wants me to dump you and call of the wedding.

"Oh he just wanted to say hello and suggested some new life he wanted to life." With me I added in my head.

"Sounds like a loud of bollocks. Anyway I called to tell you that Victoria is sick and since you live nearby the school I thought that you could supervise her class for the morning. She only has the one class." I smiled, that gives me some more time to evade Edward.

"Sure that won't be a problem I have some tests I have to mark in anyway." I said already walking to the living room to get my things ready.

"Good then I will see you in a bit. I love you." My heart fell.

"Bye." I replied and hung up before he could say something else. The guilt that was coursing through me made my shoulders slump. How was I going to tell him that I didn't want to marry him anymore? I loved him but it was nothing compared to the love I felt for Edward. I grabbed my laptop, the stack of tests I had to mark and walked to the door. Only stopping briefly to lock it, I walked to the school quickly. I bought the house especially for this purpose. It was just about a five minute walk to the school.

Once there I walked to Victoria's class room and settled at her desk. I just got started on the first test when the bell rang and students began rushing through the halls as they made their way to their next class. Students began filtering into the class room and took their seats. I paid them little attention and only looked up when the warning bell rang. I stood up and they fell silent immediately. This was one thing about England that I loved. The students still respected their teachers.

"Please review any work that you might have, or start on your homework. This is not a free period but you my talk silently if you must. I don't want to hear a voice above a whisper." The students smiled and some turned to students while other took out books. I sat back down and concentrated on my work. About fifteen minutes before the end of class I had marked all the tests and had nothing to do.

Not wanting to think about Edward I opened my laptop and decided to check my emails. I logged on quickly glancing over the top of the screen if everyone was still behaving themselves. Glancing back down, I cursed softly. I had but one message, from none other that the person I was trying to avoid. Unable to help myself I clicked on the message.

**Bella. **

**Did you know that Bella means beauty in Italian? **

**Questo non è altro che la verità, perché tu sei la bellezza nel mio mondo la mia bella ragazza. Ho potuto vedere il più bel tramonto e non sarebbe reggere il confronto con il mio amore. Senza di te il mio mondo è in bianco e nero, opaco e senza vita. Si prega la mia bella ragazza. ****Portare un po 'di colore nella mia vita. **

**Ti amo, sempre. **

**Edward. **

**Ps. it's written in Italian, I'm sure one of your students can translate it for you. **

I looked up annoyed. "I don't presume that someone here can speak Italian?" A girl in the back row raised her hand and I recognized her as Angela immediately. "Angela can you come translate something for me please?" I asked trying not to take my annoyance out on her.

"Sure Miss. Swan." She walked to my desk quickly and stopped next to my seat.

"Angela, don't read louder than a whisper ok." She nodded and I indicated to the laptop. She looked at it for a second and then read the lines softly.

"That is nothing but the truth, because you're the beauty in my world my beautiful girl. I could see the most amazing sunset and it wouldn't hold a candle to you my love. Without you my world is black and white, dull and lifeless. Please my beautiful girl. Bring some color into my life. I love you, always." I could feel a blush creep up my neck. Angela smiled and looked at me.

"I'm guessing that you would like me to keep this to myself, since Mr. Colt's name is not Edward." I pulled the laptop towards me.

"Smart girl." She nodded and cocked her head to the side in thought.

"Edward is the guy isn't he, the guy from your poem?" I looked at her amazed that she could still remember something I read to them six months so long ago.

"How did you know that?" I asked and she shrugged.

"Your face lit up that day Seth read the poem to us and now you have the same sparkle in your eye." She said as nonchalantly as if she was commenting on the weather.

"Angela had anyone ever told you that you are much too observant." She smiled and shrugged.

"Better to observe what is going on around you than to know what is going on and pretending not to see." She said straightening a pen on my desk.

"Who said that?" I asked and she shrugged again.

"I think I just did." I shook my head in amazement.

"Well thank you Angela, you can go back to you seat now." She smiled a genuine smile not one of politeness like any other student might have given you.

"You're welcome Miss. Swan. If I might be frank…..this Edward guy seems to like you. I would almost say that he is in love with you. I don't know what you are going to do about it but I hope you choose this guy. Because Mr. Colt might be Mr. Perfect but the problem with being perfect is that it's boring." The bell rang and she hurried to her seat to get her books.

I couldn't believe that a mere teenager was giving me advice on my love life. I was about to close the laptop when an instant message popped up.

**Emmybear: **Hello stranger, fancy seeing you online.

**Bells: **Yeah fancy that; been nosing in other peoples business, have you?

**Emmybear: **What? Who says I'm nosing?

**Bells: **Because it is way past your bedtime and you are never online at this hour.

**Emmybear**: I don't have a bedtime; Rose forced me to find out if Dorkward did anything stupid.

**Em's_Rose: **I did no such thing.

**Bells: **Busted, seems like you are sleeping on the couch my friend.

**Pixie: **They don't have a couch, Emmett brought home a puppy…..turns out little puppy liked stuffing…..couch stuffing.

**Emmybear: **In my defense it was Rose's day to feed the dog. It's not my fault she forgot.

**Em's_Rose: **I did not forget, Jacob eats everything in site.

**Bells: **Jacob?

**Pixie: **Yeah Emmett thought it would be a great name for a pup.

**RangerHale: **Forget the dog, what did Edward do?

**Pixie: **Jasper that is personal.

**Em's_Rose: **No it's not. Come on Bella tell us everything.

**Pixie: **Well not everything more like the five second recap.

**Bells: **Well he showed up on my doorstep. Told me he loved me, left me a letter. And left. The end.

**RangerHale: **What did the letter say?

**Pixie: **Typical of Dorkward to leave like a coward.

**Emmybear: **He didn't get to knock What's his face's teeth out?

**Em's_Rose: **That fucker didn't kiss you? I told him to kiss you.

**Bells: **What is this, Doctor Phil? The letter said in short that I should give our relationship a try. Emmett his name is Matt and no, Edward did not hit him although I think he had to fight the urge really hard. Actually…. he did kiss me.

**Emmybear: **What!!!!!

**Pixie: **You didn't mention that this morning!!!

**RangerHale: **Way to go Edward!!!!

**Em's_Rose: **Finally, and did the earth stop turning?

My fingers hesitated over the keyboard. These were my friends, if anyone could give advice it would be them. No matter our differences we always had each other's best interest at heart.

**Bells: **More like spin into another orbit.

**Emmybear: **What!!!! He doesn't suck at kissing?

**Pixie: **Why would he suck at kissing?

**Emmybear: **Because he is Dorkward.

**RangerHale: **So what are you going to do Bella?

**Pixie: **She is obviously going to dump What's his face and go live happily ever after….on what ever planet they would find themselves on.

**Emmybear: **Just make sure it's one without fluffy bunnies and unicorns because Alice is already President of that one.

**Em's_Rose: **What are you going to tell What's his face?

**Bella: **His name is MATT….and I don't know. How do you tell someone that you don't want to get married anymore?

**Emmybear: **Dude it's over. Go cry a river and get over it.

**Pixie: **Emmett just shut up. Tell him that your heart belongs to someone else, that it did for a long time and that you want to call of everything. You think that it's for the best, if both of you go your separate ways.

**Em's_Rose: **That is way too old. Just tell him that you don't love him and that there is someone else. Make sure you are at a public place so that you can walk away dramatically.

**RangerHale: **She's not like you Rose, although Emmett you might want to remember that the next time she invites you to a public place. Bella, just hand him his ring and tell him that you love someone else. No more than that needs to be said.

**Bells: **I don't know I don't want to hurt him to much.

**RangerHale: **Bella you are going to tell him that you wasted a year of his time, you are going to call of a wedding, he is going to feel angry and upset and possibly even suicidal. The odds are you are going to hurt him….allot.

**Pixie: **Always so dramatic. Besides having someone tell you it didn't work but we can still be friends. Is like, having your dog die and your mother tells you that you can still keep it.

**Em's_Rose: **Speaking of dogs. Emmett you better replace that couch tomorrow and take that pup to your friend Paul in La-Push.

**Emmybear: **You just had to mention a dog didn't you Alice.

**RangerHale: **Can you keep on subject, Bella you and Edward are like Romeo and Juliet.

**Em's_Rose: **They both died in the end Jasper.

**Pixie: **They are more like Jack and Rose.

**Emmybear: **Jack died in the end, sacrificing himself, slowly freezing to death so that his beloved Rose could go on and have lots of babies and die and old women warm in her bed. Wait….sniff, sniff…. I think I need a moment here….sniff, sniff.

**RangerHale: **Fine then, you can be just Bella and Edward.

**Bells: **Gee thanks, by the way did you know that Bella means Beauty in Italian?

**Emmybear: **Yes, how is that relevant?

**RangerHale: **Edward speaks Italian.

**Em's Rose: **Yes I bet to swoon girls into his bed.

**Pixie: **No, Edward is celibate.

**Bells: **Really?

**RangerHale: **Only ever since you told him that you were seeing What's his face.

**Emmybear: **Yes, not by choice I might add.

**RangerHale: **Ok we are changing the subject, so when are you going to break up with What's his face?

**Emmybear: **Yeah you better do it quick; we want the happy couple home before Christmas.

**Pixie: **Yes that would be great, I'll ask Esme and Carlisle if we can host the party at there house. Emmett, do you think that you can get another big Christmas tree again?

**Me: **For the last time his name is Matt, I don't know when I'm going to talk to him. But I am going to do it today. I have to meet him at one for lunch at his place; I might as well do it then.

**Colt: **There is no need Isabella, I get the message loud and clear.

I stared at the screen in shock. My heart fell all the way to the floor. That was not how I wanted him to find out. I wanted to explain things. I wanted him to understand.

**From no ones POV:**

**Emmybear: **Well I guess being friends is out of the question.

**Pixie: **Bella are you ok?

**Em's_Rose: **Well that takes care of that. Bella go get Edward and bring your butts home.

**RangerHale: **Bella….I agree it wasn't the most fortunate way but it is done now and there is nothing you can do to take it back.

Bells have logged of.

**Em's_Rose: **Give her some space guys, what's his face isn't the only one going through a tough time. Emmett, remember to put the dog out.

Em's_Rose has logged of.

**Emmybear: **Yes dear….well my work is done here, see you losers later.

Emmybear has logged of.

**RangerHale: **Well I'll pick up a pizza on the way home so don't cook tonight, Alice.

RangerHale has logged of.

**Pixie: **Matt I know that you are still logged on. Just understand something. Bella did love you, but she loves Edward more. If you cared for her at all, you will let her have her happiness. That's all I have to say really.

**Colt: **What about my happiness?

**Pixie: **Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. So if you ever loved her you will understand that.

Pixie has logged of.

_**Matt. **_

_**I know that I hurt you but there is something that you must understand. I never thought that Edward would ever return the feelings that I had for him. But for some odd reason he does. **_

_**He asked me to give him a chance and that is what I'm going to do. For I, stood at the very edge of this what if once and I didn't take it. I regretted that decision ever since. I will not regret it a second time. **_

_**I am so sorry for hurting you like this. I just hope that one day you can forgive me and that you will find that special someone who was made especially just for you. **_

_**Isabella. **_

**A/n I know the wait was long. I had a thousand things to do and so little time to do it in. But everything is sorted now and updates should come weekly again. So something about this chapter…..uhm Emmett provides comic relief and you get to see what goes on in the mind of Bella. Oh and Edward has a romantic side. Sorry again for the long wait….hopefully it was worth it. **

**I don't know if the Italian is correct since I myself don't speak it. So if someone here does and something is wrong with it feel free to drop me a PM and I will fix it. **

**Thanks for everyone that reviewed. All reviews are always appreciated. **

**Feel free to review so go ahead and click on the new blue button**


	8. The last letters

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyers owns everything Twilight. **

**8. The last letters.**

**Epov:**

There are some things that will never change. Bella will always know just how to drive me crazy. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to kiss her and never let her go. I wanted to give her the entire world. But I knew that she needed time.

Time to figure out what her heart wanted. Time felt like it was slipping through my fingers when it came to her. But I wasn't going to do nothing so I hoped that the roses and e-mail I sent her would keep her heart on track. The whole day I thought I was going to go crazy with angst.

What is she thinking? Is she with What's his face? Does she long for me just as I long for her right now, right this moment? It was just past three in the afternoon. Was she at home, pacing? Was she on her way here? Was she running away?

Just as I thought that the tight band of unknown was going to choking me to death there was a small uncertain knock on my door. I knew it was Bella. My heart started to race. Quickly I opened the door and when I drowned in that familiar chocolate orbs I smiled at her.

"Hey!" I said and she smiled, her cheeks a little flushed from the crisp winter air. "Oh come on in. It's not much but it's at least warm." She glanced over my shoulder and as if deciding something she slid past me. As her arm touched mine warm tingles slid up my spine, my pulse began to race and I was feeling instantly light headed.

Will the effects that she has over me, ever change? I closed the door and turned to her. She was standing at the foot of my bed. I had to fight ever will in my body not to run to her, grabbing her into my arms never letting her go again.

"Hi, I kind of broke up with Matt." She blurted and I arched an eyebrow as the entire weight of the world rolled from my shoulders.

"How do you sort of break-up with someone?" I asked and she sighed, sitting down.

"Does it really matter? The point is that we aren't together anymore." She said and I walked to her crouching before her placing my hands on her knees so that I was staring up into her sad face.

"It's my fault and I'm sorry." She just stared at me blankly.

"How on earth is it your fault?" she asked.

"Because I should have told you that I loved you when you told me that you where coming to England. Then you would never have come here and you would never have met What's his face which would mean that both of you would not be hurting right now." She sighed looking out of the window.

"Edward, it is not your fault. I don't think that things between Matt and I would have worked out. I think that coming here you have showed me just that. But how do I know that you weren't just afraid of loosing me? How are we certain that things between us will work out?" She asked and I sighed tucking a curl behind her ear. Then I leaned forward and captured her lips with mine.

It felt so right kissing her. It felt like I had come home after a life time of searching. It felt like for the first time in my life I was doing the right thing for a change. She laced her fingers through my hair and pulled me closer but I pulled away.

"Because, that kiss felt so right. Bella I love you, when I'm not with you it feels like half of me is missing. You complete me. It's as if I was incomplete and now I am whole. When you fell into my lap on that bus it was as if fate brought us together. And everything that happened from then on only proved that you were the one for me Bella." A tear slipped from the corner of her eye.

"But I have changed since then Edward. I'm not the same person that left you that night to come to England." She said sounding broken and I frowned.

"Bella I know you, I will always know you." She shook her head.

"No you don't." I looked out of the window and then smiled looking back at her.

"I'll prove it then." She frowned wiping the tears away angrily.

"How?" She asked and I shrugged nonchalantly.

"How did What's his face propose to you?" I asked and she frowned in confusion.

"He took me to the most expensive restaurant in town, during desert he got down on one knee and in front of everybody he asked me to marry him." I pulled a face.

"How boring, plus it was a little predictive." She shrugged.

"What does that have to do with anything?" She asked and I stood up walking to the window glancing out.

"Everything. You see Bella I would have called your boss, told him that I wanted to propose and that because you are so special to me and because you only deserved the best I want to whisk you away for the weekend. Then when he agreed to let you have the day of, without your knowledge of course, I would go home secretly and pack clothes for a surprise weekend away.

"Then when I packed everything in the car, I would lay rose petals on the ground from the front door to the bedroom. Place candles on every surface available in the room to set the mood. I would place a bottle of champagne in the fridge so that it would be nice and cold when we returned from our weekend away. Then I would check that all the windows are closed so that no wind can destroy my lovely path of roses.

"I would lock the door and go pick you up at work in front of your students making you blush that lovely rose color that I love so much. I would take you to a private see-coast lodge where we spend the days riding horses on the surf, eating at nice little restaurants, walking on the beach at sunset, swimming, having picnics and making love every night.

"Then when I brought you home and you just thought that your night couldn't get any better I would blind fold you and walk you to the door. Then I'll kiss you like you have never been kissed before, then and only then would I remove the blindfold revealing the rose petal pathway. I would follow you to the room, going about lighting each candle.

"I would walk to you slowly, handing you a single rose. As you smell the aforementioned rose, probably smiling to yourself as you always do, I would go down on one knee. I would take your hand in mine giving you your favorite crooked smile. I would tell you that millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.

"I love you Isabella Swan, I have always loved you and I will always love you. Then I will kiss every one of your fingers before standing up. I would slip my hand around your waist pulling you into me. I would gaze down on your lovely face, into those rich brown eyes then and only then will I ask you. Isabella Swan, will you be my wife?" I turned to look at her.

She was over by the bed, a tear slipping from her eye. I walked to her I wiped away the tear lovingly. "You see, I do love you Bella." She just gazed at me.

"Why do you love me?" She whispered and I smiled caressing her cheek.

"Because I do." She shook her head.

"I really want to trust you when you say those words, Edward. So maybe if I knew why, Id's stop being so scared of hearing them and afraid to say them back to you." I shrugged.

"Okay, well if you want to talk about why…." She interrupted me.

"It has to do with the failed marriage between my parents." She said and I smiled.

"There. That is why. I love you because I actually like it when you interrupt me, which is often by the way. I love you because you make no apologies about being who you are. I love you because you are beautiful, smart and sexy as hell." She blushed and interrupted me again.

"Now you are embarrassing me." I smiled.

"That is another reason. You're totally unaware of the effects you have on me. You're also completely unaware that you laugh like a four year old…" She laughs. "Just like that. And most important of all I love you because you are you. You are Isabella Swan, the girl of my dreams and my best friend." I finished and she looked at me, she wasn't crying anymore she was staring at me.

"I love you too." I smiled and closed the distance between us, I poured all my love into that one single kiss and she kissed me back with everything she had. When we broke apart both of us was breathing heavily as we lay intertwined on the bed.

"I wrote you a song while I went crazy thinking about you today." I said sitting up grabbing my guitar from where it stood next to the bed.

"Do you ever travel without that thing?" She asked and I looked at her smiling.

"No and from now on it is the second thing I'm not traveling without." She raised a questioning brow. "The other one is you of course." She smiled and I slid the strap over my shoulder. "Anyway here goes." I began to play the song that haunted me for the past few hours.

"Yesterday is just a wrinkle on your forehead.

Yesterday is a promise that you've broken.

Don't close your eyes.

This is your life and today is all you got know.

And today is all you'll ever have.

Don't close your eyes.

Don't close your eyes.

This is your life.

Are you who you want to be?

This is your life.

Are you who you want to be?

This is your life.

Is it everything that you dreamed it would be?

When the world was younger and you had everything to loose?

Yesterday is a kid in the corner.

Yesterday is dead and over.

Don't close your eyes.

This is your life.

Are you who you want to be?

This is your life.

Are you who you want to be?

This is your life.

Is it everything that you dreamed it would be?

When the world was younger and you had everything to loose?"

"Edward that was beautiful, but what does it mean." She asked as I removed the strap.

"It means that you should forget about yesterday and only focus on the important things in life. And if you close your eyes, for just an instant, you might miss something of importance. Don't settle for second best, because then you might become a person you never intended to be" She smiled as I settled next to her on the bed, pulling her into me so that her head rested on my chest.

"Who would have thought that Edward Cullen was a philosopher?" I smiled kissing the top of her head.

"It's not like I was trying to show off." I said and she giggled.

"Wasn't that your default setting?" We laughed quietly. "So what do we do now?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I'm sure we will figure it out." I replied willing to follow her to the end of the earth.

**Mr. Aro.**

**This is my letter of resignation. It was an honor to teach at your school and I will for long be the best experience I could have ever gained. But it is time that I return to my home town. Thank you for all the happy years here at your school I will forever cherish the moments. Thank you for believing in me when no one else would. **

**All of the best for the year to come. **

**Yours sincerely. **

**Isabella Swan.**

**Angela.**

**Thank you for being a friend when I needed it the most. Good luck with your school year. My you succeed in whatever it is you want to become after school. I know that you will make a success out of your life. Stay in touch. **

**Your friend and teacher. **

**Isabella Swan.**

**Rosalie and Emmett**

**You are hereby invited to the wedding of Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen.**

**We hope that you will join us on this happy day. It took us awhile but we did get there. **

**Love Bella and Edward.**

**IT'S A GIRL!**

**Congratulations guys on your beautiful baby girl. **

**May Renesmee bring you joy and happiness. **

**Love Alice.**

**Mom. **

**I love England thank you for insisting that I come here to study English.**

**I met a boy today; his name is Jacob (Yes just like Uncle Emmett's dog.) Seth doesn't like him though; he is actually getting a little weird. He keeps talking about not telling some girl that he loved her. Anyway would you look into that for me? I'm worried about him. After all the years of friendship I didn't even know that he liked someone.**

**Thanks mom. **

**Love you.**

**Renesmee. **

**Dear Readers.**

**I hoped that you enjoyed this little story. It was just a random idea that I wanted to share with you. Thank you for reading and thank you for each and everyone that reviewed. I really do appreciate it. **

**Remember to live each day as your last. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift that is why it is called The Present. **

**Amber 90210**


End file.
